She's Got It Together
She's Got It Together
Selfcare For The One Holding It All Together with Catherine Wilde
Hey there! In this episode, we're diving into the oh-so-relatable topic of mom guilt. As a first-time mom myself (and currently pregnant with baby #2!), I totally get how overwhelming those feelings can be.
We're joined by the wonderful Catherine Wilde, founder of Soul Care Mom, who shares some super helpful insights on dealing with mom guilt and the importance of self-care. We chat about how mom guilt shows up in different ways, from feeling bad about taking time for yourself to worrying about dividing attention between kids.
Catherine gives us some great tips on reframing those guilty thoughts and sprinkling self-care throughout our day - even if it's just for a few minutes! We also talk about how self-care needs change with different seasons of motherhood and life.
Whether you're a new mom or a seasoned pro, this episode is packed with relatable moments and practical advice to help you navigate mom guilt and make time for yourself. So grab a cup of coffee (or tea!) and join us for this refreshing and supportive conversation. Trust me, you won't want to miss it!
Hope you enjoyed this episode!
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Here's to Getting it Together one day at a time,
Jessica & Samantha
It doesn't have to, you know, be a big chunk of time. It can live in the little moments of your day and that's actually really powerful because then you're always filling that cup. So if you imagine like a leaky faucet and you put a cup under it, you walk, you know it's dripping, the water's dripping into this cup, you walk away and you come back like each little drop filled that cup to till it's.
Speaker 2:You know about to overflow and so that's what's happening when we sprinkle our days with self-care. Right, we do these little things and they're filling that cup. Hi everyone, and welcome to a brand new episode of she's Got it Together. I'm your host, Jessica.
Speaker 3:And I'm Samantha. Each week we peel back the curtain on what it really looks like to have it together.
Speaker 2:From the messy moments to the milestones, we're here to share it all.
Speaker 3:So grab your favorite drink, get comfy and let's dive into today's topic. Hey guys, I'm Samantha and I'm here with our co-host, jessica, and the lovely Katherine Wild, and today we are going to talk a little bit about mom guilt. I know like as a new mom, I've experienced mom guilt. As a seasoned mom, we experienced mom guilt and just like being able to sprinkle our day with self-care I think is so huge and just being able to take that time for yourself. So Catherine's going to share a little bit about that with us today. So I'm going to turn it over to Catherine and do you want to just tell us a little bit about that with us today? So I'm going to turn it over to Catherine and do you want to just tell us a little?
Speaker 1:bit about yourself and your background. Sure, first of all, thank you so much for having me here. I'm so excited to chat with you about mom guilt. It's such a big topic for so many of us as moms. But yeah, I'm Catherine Wild. I'm a homeschooling mom of three girls and the founder of Soul Care Mom and the best-selling author of Reclaiming your Inner Sparkle, and I am so, so passionate about helping women define themselves again in motherhood to be able to carve out time to do the things that they love without the mom guilt, all while being the mom that they want to be. And I truly believe that you can feel calm and find your unshakable confidence as a mom when you first care for yourself. So I'm excited to explore this with you guys.
Speaker 3:I love that. I'm so excited too because I feel like this is definitely going to like help me too, because I'm a first time mom. I'm to my 18th, my little son Bo, and then I'm also pregnant. Now I'm six months pregnant with a baby girl. So we have, like I have all this time with my son, and now I'm like a little worried about like giving up all that you know one-on-one time with him for the new baby coming in and how he's going to handle it, and so I feel like there's also like that kind of level of mom guilt too, like, oh, am I not going to have enough time for my firstborn? But if you just want to explain a little bit about what mom guilt is, I think that'd be really helpful for some of our listeners.
Speaker 1:So we've all heard of guilt, but mom guilt is this feeling of doubt or worry, or this insecurity that so many of us experience about our choices and actions as it relates to motherhood, and it can manifest in a variety of ways. So you know, feeling guilty for taking time for yourself, feeling like a bad parent, right, like you're saying, like how will I manage this time between two kids. Feeling guilty for not doing everything we think we should. And mom guilt can stem, you know, from external pressures, societal expectations, this feeling like we need to maintain the perfect home, cook healthy meals, raise well-behaved children, also juggling the career and other responsibilities, this pressure to say yes to all of the things and it can also be known as people pleasing too Like that can help there as well.
Speaker 1:But mom guilt can be feel so overwhelming and you, we might even feel guilty about wanting to let go of mom guilt, because we've been kind of taught that feeling guilty and worrying about everything when it comes to parenting is the sign of being a good parent. So there can even be this conflict there. And then guilt, you know, around self-care can show up too. When you're craving, you know, doing something for yourself, whether it's just resting or doing something creative, or maybe you want to take some time to work out or take a nap, right, try out a new hobby. But even considering these things sometimes can bring up guilt. Like I really should be spending time with my kids, or there's so much to do around the house I couldn't possibly take time for myself, right, kids?
Speaker 1:or there's so much to do around the house I couldn't possibly take time for myself, right. And then there's built around asking for help. So maybe you know, you recognize there's so much to do. It'd be so great to have some help, um, so you could have time for self-care. But there might be these competing thoughts like asking for help is a sign of weakness. You know, I should really be able to do this all myself. Um, yeah, so there's so much, that much that can encompass mom guilt.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I feel like that in itself can make it so overwhelming for moms, because they are thinking all these different forms of mom guilt show up and you're just trying to figure it out, especially as a first-time mom or a seasoned mom. I think everyone experiences mom guilt and you can experience it in different ways. And just the whole self-care bit. It's like you feel guilty when you just need a minute, or I just need this, like you know, 15 minute walk, or this 30 minute workout, or you know I just want to like catch up with friends and go to brunch. Like you feel bad for wanting that time like for yourself, away from your kids or your spouse, and you're trying to figure out is it okay that I want to have this time away?
Speaker 3:But when you think about it, if you don't have that time for yourself and if you're not making yourself a priority, you're not going to show up for your kids or your family 100%. You're going to be cranky or resentful or tired or you're just like you will take things out on them because you're not getting that time for yourself. So like it's actually a benefit to have that like make that time for yourself because it helps your family too, but as women, as moms, it's almost like a double-edged sword, like you have to try to figure out how to make that part of your day without feeling guilty about it. So I think this is like such a great conversation for us to have.
Speaker 2:Yeah, definitely. I mean that balance is hard to juggle for sure, especially, you know, when you have so many other things going on that should be getting done. That might not be getting done because you're taking the time, you know, just for yourself for a moment, but I noticed that I'm more present If I do those things. You know, when I'm actually with my family or I'm working on a project, I'm more present, more focused, more in. You know the moment for that. So everything goes faster, everything goes better, you know. So really taking that little bit of time out for yourself seems like it's made up by that, by the projects going faster or going faster, or the moments being better. So I don't think we should be guilty, but I always am.
Speaker 1:I think that was. I mean both of you, like Sam, that was so beautifully said and Jessica, I can relate so much. And that's like a little known productivity hack, right, like there's all these like different time hacks and things. But when you really take that time to like, I like to picture like a cup, right, any sort of cup, like your favorite coffee mug or or your water bottle, and when you, when you start to take that time to to fill it up drop by drop, and that's by taking care of yourself, that's by taking that walk that you, you're craving, that's by doing that creative activity and as you fill up this cup, then you actually have something to give. Right, you have something to pour from, and so often we're trying to pour from this empty cup, right, just literally trying to, you know, pour from nothing.
Speaker 3:It's like nothing's coming out.
Speaker 1:Exactly so. That's how powerful it is to you know, take time to navigate the mom guilt so that you can take that time for yourself and feel good about it too, you know? Yeah, definitely.
Speaker 3:Absolutely so, like when you are like having those thoughts of mom guilt, like how do you handle that? To kind of get yourself out of that mindset and into a more you know, productive mindset where you can be okay with you know the thoughts that you're having.
Speaker 1:That's such a great question, yeah, so you know, when you first start to note, you know, simply noticing like, oh, okay, mom guilt's coming up for me, or maybe even noticing, are there certain situations where it comes up for you often, you know, and then, as you bring awareness to that feeling of mom guilt, you can start to explore, like, where is this idea coming from and is it actually serving me? Um, is it empowering me? You know, and more often than not, it's an idea that we've been given, um, that isn't in alignment with how we want to show up for our kids, for ourselves. It does this. That's why it doesn't feel good within us, right?
Speaker 1:So if, there, you know, if that's the case and you're it's no longer serving you, you can take a moment to lovingly explore, like a more empowering story so, what a thought. So all of our thoughts and our, our feelings are linked, right? So when you feel that feeling of mom guilt, tracing it to the thought and then noticing, okay, is this how I want to think, because that's a really empowering thing to know, is that you can change that thought and that's like it's amazing, right, but it takes a little bit of pausing, a little bit of introspection, so noticing what is the thought and do I want to keep this thought, or what would be more helpful so we can look at some ideas. So, if you know, maybe something you're thinking is I must do everything perfectly or I'm a bad mother, right?
Speaker 1:Something more empowering might be I'm doing my best, my best is enough, it's okay to make mistakes, right, perfection isn't required to be a wonderful mother, right, you can decide if it feels good in your body, and that's how you'll know if it's, if it's a thought that is more in alignment with you because it'll feel better in your body. Right, it's believable and it feels better. And so, um, or maybe you know you're thinking a good mom doesn't get frustrated, doesn't get angry with her children, doesn't yell, um, and so maybe you can explore something like feeling a range of emotions, including frustration, is natural and human. It's how I handle these things that matters, right? So, um, exploring different, um, thoughts that feel better. And then, as you program, reprogram, right, um, what you're telling yourself, you'll start to notice a shift in how you think, it's shifting how you show up, a shift in how you're able to take that time for yourself. Right, it's really powerful, yeah.
Speaker 3:I love that.
Speaker 3:I think just it's so powerful knowing like you can change that thought that you're having into a more positive one, because I think that's it's like as moms, like your mind's constantly going, like you're trying to go to sleep and you're thinking about all these things that you have to do or that you didn't get to today or that you have to do tomorrow, and just being able to like change that narrative and turn things into a more positive approach is so is so helpful, because then you do kind of like slowly release that guilt and that feeling of you know maybe not being enough or not getting enough done or not not being enough or not getting enough done or not.
Speaker 3:I wasn't the best version of like myself today, but you can kind of just be more aware of just like more self-aware that you can change that and like tomorrow's a new day and things are going to get better. So I love that. I think this also like is a good time to kind of talk about self-care and how important that is for, like your mental health and like helping with mom guilt and like how, like how do you find that time? How do you make that time each day to give yourself that little bit of self-care that you might need so that you can be, like, more positive and have a better outlook on and like. Obviously, not every day is going to be perfect and you might not get self-care for yourself every day, or it might look a little different every day, but is there a way that you find that is helpful for you, that allows you to get that self-care that you need?
Speaker 1:Yeah, so self-care was a huge part of my journey and you know, it's this term that we hear really often. It's like importance kind of gets lost, you know, and I had to convince myself that. You know, devoting time to myself, devoting time to my needs, was this luxury that I couldn't afford. It was selfish, but I slowly started to realize that, you know, by neglecting myself like we talked about that cup right, I was, I was depleting my reservoir of energy, of patience, of love, everything that I needed to be the mom that I wanted to be, and so I started just playing with, doing little things for myself. So it might've just even been pausing, placing my hand over my heart and taking a deep breath. It might've been going to get a cup of water or make a cup of tea, or, instead of doing the dishes, I would just pause and read a chapter of a book, right? Something really simple. It didn't have to take a lot of time, it didn't have to cost a lot of money, right, like it was little things that I noticed that I was feeling better, I was kinder with myself, I was more patient with my kids. Yeah, not despite my self-care, but because of it.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, if, if you are struggling with this and you have this idea that you know self-care needs, I need a whole hour, you know, and that's amazing too. So, like, if you can go to the spa, whatever it is, go to the grocery store by yourself, it's amazing. Um, it doesn't have to, you know, be a big chunk of time. It can live in the little moments of your day. It doesn't have to, you know, be a big chunk of time. It can live in the little moments of your day. And that's actually really powerful, because then you're always filling that cup, right? So if you imagine, like a leaky faucet and you put a cup under it, you walk, you know it's dripping, the water's dripping into this cup, you walk away and you come back like each little drop filled that cup to till it's you know about to overflow, and so that's what's happening when we sprinkle our days with self-care, right, we do these little things and they're filling that cup.
Speaker 3:I love that.
Speaker 3:I think when people think of self-care, a lot of the times they think of like oh, I need a spa day, oh, I need like all this time it costs money, able to visualize like the whole sprinkle it through your day is huge because it doesn't have to be this big gesture, this long, like day long spa day or all these things that can just be like maybe waking up like 30 minutes before your kids to get like some journaling in.
Speaker 3:It can be like instead of doing the dishes, I just need a minute, I'm going to go take a break and read a chapter of a book. It can be just going for a walk for 10 minutes. If you can't get a 30 minute walk in, do a 10 minute walk Like it's. Like it might not look the same every day and maybe, like in a season of time, your self-care might be a little shorter or smaller or sparse in times, but you know it's still there. So I think that's really big is like self-care doesn't have to be this big, expensive gesture or this long amount of time. It can just be like a minute long, something that makes you feel better.
Speaker 2:I think that's an interesting point, though, with the season that you know. I mean I think the needs of self-care change throughout the seasons. I mean whether it's the seasons with our kids, you know, younger to older, or literally the seasons of the year. I mean sometimes in the winter we just need more self-care, like we just need because we have winter blues or whatever it might be we just need a little bit more care for ourselves, whereas in the summer it just you've got the sunshine. It's like every time you go outside it's a little bit of self-care. You know, yeah, you're absorbing that, so you might not need as much then, but I, yeah, I think that is interesting how it just kind of what you need changes for many different reasons.
Speaker 1:I love that point about the seasons of motherhood and of just the year. Yeah, that's so true.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, I think when, just like because we've been doing like different, like podcast recordings and stuff today, and then my parents are here watching Bo, my son, and then they took him to the park. So when I like had a break, I like came out and they weren't here and then I'm like, huh, what do I do? Like I have like 30 minutes of time where I can just like do nothing. So I like went outside to my deck and I just like laid like, I was just like sitting in the chair in the sun, because it's a beautiful sunny day today, and I'm just like, huh, this is nice.
Speaker 3:Like you know, like this feels like yeah, and I'm like you know like this doesn't feel like yeah, and I'm like you know I should like do this every day. Like when Bo is like taking a nap, I'm like I should be able to come and sit outside and just like read a chapter of a book or like just like scroll mindlessly on my phone if I want to, or just do nothing. So I'm like, I'm just like in this little self-care sprinkling era, I feel like all of a sudden, I'm like this is great, I'm getting in the groove here, I'm like this is okay, I like this, this is fun.
Speaker 1:And that makes me think too, like you were saying, like every day can look different too. So this morning, like I was feeling a little slow, like I didn't feel like I had the energy that I usually have in the morning, and so I took it easier. So as part of my morning routine, I try to do some sort of movement, and so today I just stretched and I used my roller and just stretched and breathed, and so it can look different in that way too. We don't have to be so hard on ourselves in it looking a certain way every single day.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we definitely build up this image in her mind and try to, you know, create that. And if it doesn't like, my big downfall is if something does not work out as I've pictured it, then I'm not happy, you know, it's like it almost feels like you failed or whatever but yeah it's, it's that all or nothing mentality for sure, and it's not how I should be thinking.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, you're not alone. Like yeah, there's expectations, like the picture that I have in my head of how things should go, and then being disappointed when it doesn't, or feeling like I failed when it doesn't. Yeah, yeah, that can be, that can be disempowering. Or you know, like yeah, you lose steam.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, and I think too, like having, like, if you have a morning routine or like a schedule that you kind of follow, like, is that like more helpful where you can kind of like expect, kind of like like this is just kind of like how our day looks. I know you kind of have to be flexible and things are going to change, but does having a morning routine kind of help with making time for the self-care and making a little bit more be more self-aware of the mom guilt, Because you do kind of know what the routine is, what the day looks like, but know that there are going to be, I'm sure, some bumps in the road.
Speaker 1:But do you?
Speaker 3:find having a routine helps at all.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, yeah, for myself, um, as far as self-care, it helps. And then just, we homeschool in that way too. Like my girls have an idea of the flow of the day. You know they'll ask questions about any different days or different, but, um, I think that helps so much and it helps with like decision fatigue too, you know, like not having to decide like this is how this day is going to go, and, yeah, you already have so many questions to answer and so many things. Yeah, so for me it really helps.
Speaker 1:And so what I love to teach as far as morning routines is this, just this three step formula. It's a framework so that you can plug in what feels good to you, because what I found was sometimes, when I was taking time for myself, I wasn't, um, I wasn't really present in it, I wasn't really nourishing all of me, and so I would leave that self-care time feeling still pretty depleted. So, um, what I like to do and what I like to encourage, is starting your day with just some gentle movement. So you know you've been sleeping, you wake up, move your body in some way, whether you love going for walks or whether you just want to stretch or do some yoga or whatever that looks like for you that day?
Speaker 1:Um, and then, like you were saying, taking time for journaling and sitting down, um, whatever your meditation practice looks like, or prayer, um, you know, just getting really still with yourself, because a lot of times the day is so noisy and our minds are noisy, and when we can slow down enough and, you know, turn down that volume a little, so much is able to come through. You know, like ideas, inspiration and creativity, and, um, yeah, just so much can come through. And so then to just taking it can be five minutes, right, taking some deep breaths, listening to a beautiful song or guided meditation, and then writing, um, whatever that looks like. Maybe it's journaling what you're grateful for, maybe it's journaling what came up for you during your meditation. Um, just a few minutes to do something that brings you joy, those things that like, yeah, reading that book, or whatever it is.
Speaker 1:Maybe you like to paint something? Um, yeah, knit, it can be anything, but just spending a few minutes on that, if you can. And, of course, like, if you, if you've got a newborn and this is all broken up, you can, you can make that fit throughout your day too, right, it doesn't all have to be in one chunk either, but um, but, yeah I, that's how I love to start my days in one chunk either.
Speaker 3:But but yeah, I that's how I love to start my days. I think that's a good point that you just made too, because, like, I'm about ready to have, you know, in August, an infant, a newborn baby. So it's like your mornings, your day, like your days are going to look different.
Speaker 3:It's going to change.
Speaker 3:So it's like when your kids are a little older or like you're done having kids and like you kind of get into the groove in this like morning routine, it's easier to kind of have like a scheduled like session in the morning or something, but it's a good point that it doesn't have to necessarily be in the morning. If you can't fit it in in the morning, as long as you get it in sometime throughout the day, just to kind of make that time for yourself. You know it's still just as important whether it's in the morning or sometimes people like to journal at night and talk about how their day went, so that they're more present for the next day and things that they could, you know, improve on or do better, or you know, however you want to look at it. So I think it's important that it doesn't have to look the same every day or, like with the seasons, like when you have certain times throughout your life where maybe, like you have to change your routine and you have to be more flexible. Like that's okay, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. It's all about just setting yourself, Like when you're helping your child learn to use the potty. You do your best to set them up for success right, you're going to have a little potty nearby.
Speaker 1:You're going to have the extra clothes, you're going to have all the things, and so how can we do that for ourselves? Maybe it's if we want to go for a walk, can we lay out the clothes? If we are in the newborn season and it's really hard for us to get even a minute, can we ask you know our partner, for you know, 30 minutes every day when he?
Speaker 1:comes home, you know, whatever that looks like so that you can have that time for yourself and, just like you, would, you know, schedule the dentist appointment and you would show up for that. Right, we want to do that for ourselves, too, because that's how important it is. As we I think we've hit on really well. Here is how we care for ourselves, yeah.
Speaker 3:And I think that's great.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know just making sure that you're scheduling, because it's not just going to happen. Like you have to actively create the time for this. I think that's important to remember. Have to actively create the time for this.
Speaker 3:I think that's important to remember.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and being able to like lean on your spouse or your partner or your family, like your support system, being able to kind of like bring them in and like, I think, as moms, as women, like you said, sometimes it can be seen or we make it up in our head that it's a weakness to ask for help and we, if we can't handle all the things, and like we're failing as a mother or as a partner, and it's okay to ask for help, like it's encouraged to ask for help for for you and yourself and being able to lean on them in times of you know, those seasons that are a little tougher where you can't always get that time for yourself in, but it's so needed Like asking.
Speaker 3:Like I could ask my sister hey, can you like I like just needed to like take a shower when Bo was born? I'm like I have no time, can I just she just came over so I could take a shower. I'm like thank you so much. You know, like, just like little things like that, being able to just like reach out to a friend, any kind of support system, and they can help you through those tougher times is, I think, important for people to know too, because it's definitely not a sign of weakness. I think it's a sign of strength and you being able to say, hey, I need help and this is like what I need, and yeah, you're recognizing it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, just recognizing that.
Speaker 1:Oh, I love that you asked your sister for help. I was not worried about that the first time around, but, yeah, just those little things where somebody makes you a meal and they bring it over, like that means the world, you know. Yeah, the little booties and all those things are so cute, but like the real gift is like when you can offer, yeah, a way to support them after the baby is born.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I know, and it's like my mom was here, which was so nice she came, and so, and it's like my mom was here, which was so nice she came, and so like she's like I'll like just help with the laundry and like I can make you dinner and like if you need to sleep, I can watch the baby. So it's like that like first week of help is so huge and I think sometimes, like as a new mom, you might think I have to, I have to be able to do this all myself. I have to be able to have it all together and, like you know, my husband doesn't know how to do anything or they're doing it all wrong, and it's like no, they're there to help you. Like this is new to both of you. You can lean on other people, it's okay.
Speaker 3:So I've done more than one way too. Yes, that's the other thing. Try not to micromanage, but it is. It's funny too, because I like keep, I'm like thinking about how it was when I had Bo, and now that I'm having, you know, another baby, I'm like I, I'm hoping, like I can, you know, now I have a little more experience, I'm like I think I'll be better, be a little more relaxed about it, I'll be fine. I'll definitely be asking for tons of help.
Speaker 2:But, yeah, but yeah.
Speaker 3:Well, I feel like this has just been like such a refreshing and fun and just informative conversation. It's almost like this little like safe space that we've created that we can talk about, like all these vulnerable things and mom guilt and just making time for self-care. So, catherine, thank you so much for coming on today. I think it's just been, you know, you've just been such like a bright, refreshing light today.
Speaker 3:It's been great so thank you so much for chatting with us today. So why don't you tell everyone where like they can find you? Like what you have? Going on, Go ahead.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much for for allowing me to be here, for having this really important conversation for moms and for, yeah, I love your podcast. I'm so excited that you guys are doing this, and I just I mean honestly, I love partnering with you guys in any way. It's, it's the work, um. But yeah, so you can find me at at soulcaremomcom, and if you would like some support around having sprinkling that self-care into your day or starting your morning with self-care, um, go to soulcaremomcom. Forward, slash, kickstart and you can grab a free gift from me that will help you to start your morning with five simple steps that you can do before you even get out of bed so that you're starting your morning with that full cup. I think you'll love it. But, yeah, any, any other resources or support that you need, yeah, soulcare momcom is the best place to go.
Speaker 3:Awesome. Well, thank you so much, Catherine, and we will be back next week with another episode.
Speaker 2:Thanks for joining us today on. She's Got it Together. It's been a real journey, sharing and laughing with you all.
Speaker 3:We hope you're walking away with a smile on your face and a bit more confidence in your step.
Speaker 2:Remember, you're not alone in this crazy ride called life. We're all in this together, one day at a time.
Speaker 3:Don't forget to subscribe, leave us a review and, of course, share this podcast with all the incredible women in your life.
Speaker 2:Join us next week for more stories, more laughs and more real talk.
Speaker 3:Until then, keep embracing your unique journey and remember you've got it together more than you think.
