She's Got It Together
She's Got It Together
The Challenges of Traveling With a Group
Hey there! We're diving into the wild world of traveling with kids and family vacations in this episode. As moms in different stages of life, we chat about the challenges of balancing everyone's needs and expectations when you've got little ones in tow.
We dish about those awkward moments when your family forgets you can't just drop everything for an all-day boat ride anymore, and how to navigate those tricky situations without losing your cool (or your mind!). We share our personal experiences of feeling torn between different family groups, trying to keep nap schedules intact, and the guilt of missing out on the fun stuff.
We also talk about how important it is to speak up about what you need on vacation, even if it feels weird. No one's a mind reader, right? We get into the nitty-gritty of planning trips with big groups, dealing with different ideas of what makes a "fun" vacation, and how to handle those inevitable bumps in the road.
So if you've ever felt like you needed a vacation from your vacation, or you're dreading that upcoming family trip, give this episode a listen. We promise you'll laugh, maybe cringe a little, and hopefully pick up some tips for making your next getaway a little smoother. Don't forget your sense of humor – you're gonna need it!
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Here's to Getting it Together one day at a time,
Jessica & Samantha
And sometimes that can be hard for your family members to understand, and it can be hard for you too, because you feel like you're missing out on things. So I think, at least for me, it's been a bit of a transition. Our family's been very supportive, but there's also been moments, too, where they want to do a certain thing and you're putting your kids' priority first.
Speaker 2:You can't. Hi everyone and welcome to a brand new episode of she's Got it Together. I'm your host, jessica.
Speaker 1:And I'm Samantha. Each week we peel back the curtain on what it really looks like to have it together.
Speaker 2:From the messy moments to the milestones, we're here to share it all.
Speaker 1:So grab your favorite drink, get comfy and let's dive into today's topic. So we're going to dive into kids and traveling, whether it's a weekend getaway or a couple week getaway or whatever you want it to be. But traveling with kids, when you and your family were used to not having kids, can be really hard because your routines are different, your priorities are different and sometimes that can be hard for your family members to understand and it can be hard for you too, because you feel like you're missing out on things. So I think, at least for me, it's been a bit of a transition like our family's been very supportive, but there's also been moments, too, where they, like want to do a certain thing, and you're putting your kids priority, first and right.
Speaker 1:They forget that you just you can't just like get up and go, or you can't just go do this thing at 1 pm when your kid's supposed to be takinga nap. So you're having to put your kid's needs and like your family's needs, like your little nucleus of a family's needs first before the extended family and I think sometimes that gets.
Speaker 2:I mean that does get hard and it's hard for some people to remember Everybody's in different phases, yes, everybody's in different phases of their life, and when you put together more than just your small, you know your immediate family your little family. Yeah, like I mean when you start getting the grandparents and you know I mean even you and I with you know our kids are.
Speaker 1:I mean with their age gap like nine, 10. Yeah, Like nine, 10,. Well, 13 years apart, Right, right, you know their needs are different.
Speaker 2:They're very different and it's different stages of life. So you know, back 10 years ago I was where you are and now you know our kids are grown, so that we can kind of get back into the swing of most things.
Speaker 1:You have a little bit more freedom of doing what you want to do. A lot of sass, right, but it's like you don't have to worry about nap times or certain meal times and bed times. Those are the things In the bathroom potty training Remember that's coming for you sooner than later. Yes, it is cleaning. Remember, that's coming for you. You know sooner than later.
Speaker 2:So that'll be a whole another, you know dynamic to add to this hard. I mean it's not hard, it's just this unique stage.
Speaker 1:It's a phase of life that, yeah, that's great and it's so rewarding and fun, but at the same time, it shows like the little cracks of things, that of things that you can't do or that people are forgetting. It's not like you don't want to do it or you don't want to bring your kid over or do this certain thing, but you have to do your schedule or your routine and some people are more rigid with their schedules and some people are more flexible. Your schedule or your routine, and some people are more rigid with their schedules and some people are more flexible. But I'm not going to take, you know, my kid over to your house when it's like 30 minutes before his nap time and I know he's going to be a disaster, like that's just like.
Speaker 1:yeah, it's like that's just not going to happen. And so if there's like an expectation or something in their mind that they want to do that day and you're not meeting it, they can get like upset about it. But you just have to put your family first and your kids needs first, and that doesn't always sit well.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's easy to forget the stage that someone else is in, since you've long passed it. I mean going up north with our family. It was always hard for me because I had little kids.
Speaker 2:You guys were just in your kind of early 20s, still having fun, but adults. And then of course, mom and dad. They didn't have any responsibilities really outside of themselves so they could do whatever they wanted when they wanted. But you throw in my family with that, then you've got. You know, we had two little girls and then I mean having bonfires like we did, we'd be, outside all day. Well, that doesn't really work for right, like in the winter two-year-old, you know, or you know, just going out snowmobiling all day.
Speaker 1:I mean not that we have done that in years, but I mean that used to be a thing and it was something yeah, well, and then just going out on the boat, like we would go out on the boat like all day and have like our food, drinks, like music, like we'd be out on the lake all day.
Speaker 1:But you can't do that with kids and like we learned that this summer with our kids it was the first summer that we had kids up North and it was, you know, hard, for yeah, it was hard for me too, because, like I went when I was also breastfeeding Bo, so like that took up a lot of time. And then, yeah, you feel like you're missing out, because we would wake up, we'd like get everything ready, we'd get out on the boat, we'd stay out there all day, go over to our friends' houses on the lake and be gone all day and maybe come back for dinner. Sometimes we didn't, we stayed over there and had dinner, or we came back real quick and all ate dinner together somewhere, and then after dinner you'd have a bonfire and up really early up north and then we're getting the kids breakfast and then we're just like playing until their first nap. Okay, then you're sitting around trying to figure out what you can do, and then people are, like you know, our frame.
Speaker 1:Yeah Well, and then, like for Brett and I, we have like our family has a cottage, but then Brett's family also has a cottage. It's on the other side of the lake, that's how we met, so like his family's all over there, and then we were staying at like our family's cottage. So then it's like they want to see us, but I'm over here and then Beau's waking up. He's got his morning, he takes a nap at 10.
Speaker 1:So it didn't make sense to go over there. The way like the mornings go, you know how mornings go, like some are great, some are not, and then he's going to sleep. And then you know they want to see him, they want us to come over like families over there. And it's like but I can't, because he has to take a nap. I can't just bring him over and then have him be a disaster the rest of the day because I missed his nap by an hour, because then that messes up his whole day.
Speaker 1:It's like I'll bring him over after he wakes up.
Speaker 2:It's like. I promise I'm coming. It's more than just the day too. I mean I could ruin the night. Honestly, you start off on the wrong foot.
Speaker 1:Right. So it's hard because you feel torn, because, yes, of course you want to be over there. You course, like you want to be over there, you want to see your friends, you want to see your family, but you also know that your kid comes first and their needs come first and then, like you said, people forget that or they don't think it's that big of a deal if they miss their nap, or they're just a little late for a nap because it's been so long Right, or like they just are not as like worried about it.
Speaker 2:Their kids might be able to like kind of go with it better. Well, they might be more flexible.
Speaker 1:The kids' lives, yeah, I mean structure is kind of how all of ours work best, Right, and I feel like with Beau too, it was like, yeah, he'd be great then He'd maybe take like an hour, hour and a half nap. He's not a big long, long napper. I'm lucky if I could get an hour out of him and then we'd get him ready. But then that's the other thing. Then you have to get him ready, get him sunscreened up, get their bathing suit on, get their life jacket all the crap they need.
Speaker 1:I mean, yeah, so then you get on the boat, or then you get in your car and you go to the house and you're exhausted most of the time, right. But then, literally, it's like they wake up and they need lunch. So then you're like do I feed them lunch and then go over? Do I go over and feed them lunch there? It's like a whole thing. It's like you have this little human that you have to take care of, yes, and you can't just not do it or ignore their needs to make everybody happy.
Speaker 2:There is no moving it around very far so we would get out on the boat.
Speaker 1:We'd be like, okay, guys, you better be ready when I'm ready with this kid, because we are ready to go If you want to get out in this boat today for an hour or two hours or however much time we get if we're out there for 20 minutes. Whatever it's like, you better be ready at the drop of a hat to go on this boat.
Speaker 2:So a lot of the times like for you to run down right.
Speaker 1:It's like, just go sun yourself on the boat. When I'm ready, I'll be running out there like, start the boat, let's go. But it's like then, once you get out there, it's fun, it's great. But then he'd have to eat. So I'm like, okay, let me just sit on the boat and I'm going to feed you. Or then they're fussy because they're not used to being in a life jacket or on the boat and they can't play.
Speaker 1:Well, at this point Bo couldn't even walk or really crawl very much. At that point this summer he'll be all over the place. It'll be a little bit place, it'll be a little bit easier. He'll be down to one nap. So it's like it goes in phases, because now I'll just have, you know, lunch and nap for him. He can be outside all morning, we can go see everybody in the morning, we can maybe get out on the boat. You know, it'll be a little bit easier. But then I'm also now I'm'm pregnant.
Speaker 2:I was going to say you're starting all over again.
Speaker 1:So then we're starting all over next year, which honestly it's going to be like that for a long time, and I think, like you said, people just forget how hard it is. One just to get everybody ready and out of the house, but to be able to also keep your kids happy, keep them on a schedule and fed and just in a good mood so that you actually can enjoy your time with everyone, because nobody really wants you to come over if your kid is tired and hungry and a mess and crying. Like that's not fun for anybody just to be there. Like is it really worth it just to be there? I don't think so. They probably are, like, why are you here?
Speaker 2:You know Right, exactly why did you come over?
Speaker 1:if he's like this, it's like well, I felt like I needed to, because I was missing out and you told me I needed to come over, like so that's why it's like hard, because you are literally feeling torn in all these directions and you, as like an adult, want that time, you want to be able to go out on the boat, have some drinks with your family and your friends and then not worry about it.
Speaker 1:And it's like you just can't do that right now. Your life is forever changed, but you know it is what it is.
Speaker 2:Let's pause for a minute.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was just going to keep going. Okay, sorry, cut this out Anyways.
Speaker 2:Anyway, yeah, it is hard, I mean, and then you know, so that's like one aspect and that's like a place that you go to often, that's a weekend. Right it's a weekend, but it's also, you know, a place that is fairly well accommodating for your needs. Oh, yes, because you go there all the time. But now, if you take a, trip.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we have everything there.
Speaker 2:You go on a trip out you know wherever. That's a whole different ballgame. I mean, whether you're staying in a hotel, an Airbnb, a camper. I mean that's like a whole other piece to navigate.
Speaker 1:It just puts a whole other level of stress on it because one like our kids are familiar with the cottage in that place, so it's not as new Like granted. Like they do have trouble sleeping there, maybe the first night sometimes until they get adjusted.
Speaker 1:But it's not like a whole new city or state or house or hotel or wherever that they're just like expected to be able to be comfortable in. Like kids, of course, are most comfortable at home, and then the places they go often. But then you're taking them completely out of their element and just expecting them to like be okay, like they're not going to just be okay. It's going to be an adjustment for sure, at least for my kids.
Speaker 2:Well, we remember going to Gatlinburg when Taylor was two, I think three, something like that. Yeah, and Hayden I mean Hayden was what eight and you came as the babysitter, right. I mean that was still like an entire.
Speaker 1:Well it's like you're out doing things and then like they're tired or you're going to Some kids can take good stroller naps, like Bowie used to be able to take good stroller naps Not so much now, but it's like then you're out. The schedules usually when you're on a vacation like that, are going to get messed up. I mean.
Speaker 2:I know I you can't plan it out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you have to go with the flow If you're doing activities and you're out and about in the city or whatever, like your kids are going to get. I mean, at least for me, like when we're doing something like that, I'm a little bit more flexible. But then I'm like, if they're really bad, I'm like, okay, no, yesterday was a disaster. Like they have to nap on time today. You know, it's like I will go back, I will miss out because it's on me the rest of the night, you know. And then it's not fun for anybody else to hear your kid upset and crying and it's just stressful.
Speaker 2:Well, and even the activities that you choose to do when you're gone. I mean right. So, like with Gatlinburg for us, I mean what we did. We walked through town a ton with the strollers we had to get remember, I had to get Hayden, who was eight. We had to get her a stroller.
Speaker 1:Taylor, the strollers we had to get. Remember how to get hayden, who was eight.
Speaker 2:We had to get her a stroller. Taylor was fine walking. She wanted to walk around, and then hayden just wanted to be in the stroller in the stroller, so we had to buy an extra stroller.
Speaker 1:One of those little, oh yep, yeah, high maintenance child, yeah, she was a high maintenance child.
Speaker 2:She was oldest and the worst on that trip. But I mean we couldn't, you know, go off, and I mean there were some cool golf courses there and stuff. Like we couldn't go off and just do that, I mean right we. We did do a lot of tastings for all of the moonshine and things which I felt like those were.
Speaker 1:Those are pretty like family friendly because, yeah, you literally just like go in, you can walk around, you can get a tasting or not, and just like go. I was all like open kind of, so you just go in and out of the stores. But then you know, you guys, since the whole reason for me to come was to babysit, like you guys, went out to dinner one night, which was great for you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was fun.
Speaker 1:It's nice to be able to do that. But Getting kids to sleep in a new place can be hard because they're just not comfortable. It's a new room, it's, you know, not the same smell they might not have all their same things New shadows there's.
Speaker 1:Just, you know, like all the things, it's a bigger or smaller, or like with Bo like we you know tend because we will travel with like family You're usually all in one room and I think Bo has a harder time when he's sleeping in our room because he hears us, you know there's more noise and like he just knows we're in there. So if he wakes up in the middle of the night, instead of turning over and going back to sleep, he's like crying for us and then he wants us. So then that makes it harder. But it's like you can't. He's not old enough to just be sleeping out somewhere else with the other kids. He'd wake them all up probably. So that's the other aspect. It's a new place, they're not that comfortable sleeping, and then if you are in the same room and they're used to sleeping in their own room, that can also be hard because they're like oh, I want you, You're here.
Speaker 1:Pick me up you then the other thing is, we'll let Bo cry too and go back to sleep. But when you're on vacation with people, you're afraid that if you let them screaming cry for 20 minutes you're waking everyone up and all the other kids up and it's like I don't feel comfortable doing that. I can't do it. I mean, if I was downstairs and we were all off by ourself or something in the area of the house, maybe, but I just am like I can't do it. I can't let him cry all night not all night, but for 10 minutes and wake everyone up.
Speaker 2:And that makes it hard too. I mean gosh, that was even harder at the cottage when I would take the girls up there.
Speaker 1:We were in the downstairs bedroom but still having the other crying in there was still a bit of a challenge, because I'm the same way with beau at the cottage, yeah, and like mom and dad will be like, oh it's fine, like right, like it's not fine like it's not working for me because they'll wake up in the morning and be like oh, I heard him wake up like right you know, and I'm like, yeah, and that was just like a couple minute cry or like if he just like couldn't get back to sleep and was upset and was crying, it wasn't like we weren't going to him, but um right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's like. No, it's like you want everyone to be able to get a good night's sleep. So then you're like I just won't sleep, I will pick him up or he'll come in bed with me or whatever it's like.
Speaker 2:Yeah you just don't.
Speaker 1:But I mean, you know what it's such a short amount of time for, like that vacation or that weekend or whatever. It's just like, okay, I will sacrifice myself in my sleep because I have to for my child.
Speaker 2:That's funny, I mean. So I mean taking this even just to you know your small little family, like when we went to Disney a couple of years ago yeah, two, three years ago, gosh, how long has it been, I don't even know. So when we went to Disney, you know it's the dynamic, even with just the four of us in one bedroom. You know two heads, the girls sleeping together, bedroom. You know two beds, the girls sleeping together.
Speaker 2:I think I don't know if we had to switch at one point and we had to alternate adult kid kind of thing, cause they kick and you know they don't sleep well, but going even like on rides and things when we were there. You know that's hard too, because we've got one, that's you know younger.
Speaker 1:Well, they're five years apart, yeah.
Speaker 2:Right. So she can't go on certain rides. So it's like we had to even you know kind of explain to Hayden why you know you can't go, maybe on all these big rides because we're not going to stand in line for an hour when your sister has nothing to do. Or it's like one of you go with her on that ride and one of you take the other one on another ride, but then you know you're splitting up which you know that's.
Speaker 1:That's fine, for maybe a little bit if she really wants to go on some of those rides.
Speaker 2:Not on all of them. You know, like I mean, cause there, you know there was still quite a few like that, but I mean, there's just so many pieces that, like you, navigate Well, it's like different activities that you're doing.
Speaker 1:You know, like not everyone in the family is is going to be able to do every activity that you want to do. Like we're going to Colorado, I can't go skiing, I'm pregnant and I have Beau, which is fine, but we're going Right. That's what most everyone's going to be doing and they're going to be taking turns because we have other kids in the family too. It's like you're going on this vacation, but it's not necessarily a vacation that you get to go. But that's part of going on family vacations. It's like you just have to be flexible with what's going on and then hopefully, like there's going to be something that, like I can do or that Bo can do.
Speaker 2:Yeah, other things yeah.
Speaker 1:It's like maybe we can go into town or maybe we can like find like a sledding hill or like something, but it's like there's just only so many things that like you can, you can do and then having your whole family go. There's so many different people in so many different phases of life. Yes, and like people forget that like oh yeah, you have kids and you're pregnant, like you can't go skiing on a ski and we're going on a ski trip but like I'm still going because I want to be with the family, but it's like not necessarily right.
Speaker 1:It's not necessarily a vacation. This time you can't so it's like. So the next vacation I'm hoping, you know, it's like it'll be somewhere warm and I can just maybe like, relax on the beach, have some cocktails, like you know, whatever. But it's like not every vacation is going to be perfect for everyone in the family.
Speaker 1:If you're trying to take a family vacation with everyone, not when they extended like that, yeah Right, because everyone's in different phases of life and when we planned this trip we didn't necessarily know I was going to be pregnant. We like hoped I would be and I just kind of was like, okay, well then I just I'm not going to ski and, quite honestly, I haven't skied in a very long time. So it's probably a good out that I'm pregnant and I can't ski, because it's been a couple of years. But at the same time I'm like I'm hoping that there's, you know, something that I can figure out there that I can do while they are skiing and I know not everyone's skiing all day, every day because when we went to Colorado the first time, none of us had kids, like none of us had anything that we were responsible for.
Speaker 2:We were the kids. You know what I mean, like you were the kids.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so now, like then, we would wake up at seven, we skied like till four, we'd break for lunch, you know, and then we would come back have dinner, like have drinks, play cards. And then we'd go to bed, get up, do it the next day. We did that for like five days, but now it's like no, like I have kids, brett's sister has kids, there's other kids, you know, because there are other families coming.
Speaker 2:The next time you do this it could be, you know, I mean, you're going to have another.
Speaker 1:Well, we'll have two kids and then, who knows, I don't know if we're going to have a third kid or not, I don't know. But it's like everybody's in different phases of life and the vacations are not going to be perfect for everybody. That's like just impossible. But it's also nice to be able to find something for the other people to do while they're on vacation. And like I need to like, look for stuff to do with Bo. Yeah, because I don't necessarily want to sit around at the Airbnb all day, right, but then there's going to be days that you know what. Yeah, let's just chill here. Yeah, let's just chill.
Speaker 1:Like this is great, but then I'm going to want to get out, I'm going to want to do something. So then also, it's on me to kind of find things to do for me and Bo, because they're going to be skiing or they're going to be, you know doing whatever.
Speaker 2:Well, hopefully you have at least one day that's not like that and that you guys can do other things together.
Speaker 1:Right together. Well, that's the other thing too. It's like I totally understand them, like wanting to go ski and have fun. That's why we're there.
Speaker 2:But at the same time I'm like, can we all do something together, like one day?
Speaker 1:so that I can be with everybody. You know activities, right, crazy hills, but yeah, and it's like, and you know I should, I should just like say something and I'm sure they would be fine with it, but at the same time I'm like I don't want to be like picky and like you know the right. I was like I don't want to ruin your plans but like can we all?
Speaker 2:do something together.
Speaker 1:One day, or like half a day.
Speaker 2:I know.
Speaker 1:And it's like I should just find something that would be fun for all of us to do and make the suggestion. I just haven't done that yet. But it's just funny when, when you are put in these situations, it can be a little uncomfortable because you're going with, like your, your husband's family, like your in-laws and their family and their extended family, and this was the plan to go skiing and whatever, and that's fine. But I'm like, can we? Well, we do something that I can do, you know it's like you just almost assume that everyone will remember we'll think about that yeah consider that right, but it's hard to.
Speaker 2:I think it's harder for people that have been out of it for so long, like right parents because they don't even realize how difficult it is at this stage.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well then bo's gonna have nap time and he's gonna have, you know, and I'm pregnant too, which it's one thing. If I just had bo, but it's like, it's not like we can just go to the bar, you know and like, or go like to a brewery where it's kid-friendly, have a couple drinks. You know it's like I can't do that either. I'm totally up for a mocktail. I would still go. You know your mocktails crack, I know, but it's like there's. There's things that we can do.
Speaker 2:We just have to like find out what they are reminder, though, to other people that are not in this phase that when you have somebody in your group, in your party, in your family, whatever that's going to be attending, whatever event, just keep it in mind. It's hard to do when you're not in this phase.
Speaker 1:Well, it's hard because you don't necessarily think. You don't think about oh, I didn't even think that she wouldn't be able to go, or you know, or I didn't even think about that.
Speaker 2:You know she might be bored because she can't do it like you might know or realize, but just think about it like I mean yeah, well, and that's the thing there's well, that's the thing too.
Speaker 1:It's like yeah, you know I'd like to be included, but, and it's like you know, they're not purposefully doing this, it's just like it's just also too like. No, you need to also be able to, like, speak to your family and tell them how you're feeling, too, and be open about it, because then it's like they, like you said, haven't been in this space for a while or they haven't even thought about that part of it it's's like oh yeah, I thought you just wanted to relax at the Airbnb.
Speaker 1:It's like I didn't know you wanted to do something. You know you've got Bo and whatever. So it's like, oh yeah, but you know, one day, one day I might want to get out, do something.
Speaker 2:I mean, I would totally Go all that way you know Well, I'm going to have to pee every two hours.
Speaker 1:But, I mean it is what it is and it's like. You know, we could have just like not gone, but we wanted to go and be with family and that's no fun.
Speaker 1:So it's like it's like you just make it work and it's going to be a fun vacation, no matter what, just because we're all together. We live in different states, like we're all kind of coming together, so it's like it's going to be fun. But at the same time, it's like you also might need to throw ideas around yourself to if you really want to like be able to go do something with everybody. If the majority of everyone else is doing one thing and you're like the odd one out, like you might have to just vocalize because they're thinking about.
Speaker 1:well, they're just like thinking about what they're doing and like that's why they're going there for the trip. Everyone is doing that.
Speaker 2:But wait, I'm not.
Speaker 1:There's one more. There's one more.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that that that's important to remember, but very hard, and yeah, I don't know that there's not really an easy way around it either.
Speaker 1:I mean, no, you just have to like nicely, say something to, like gently, remind people, and then you're just like and it's so awkward for me, yeah, and it's like, I'm sure, like and also being pregnant and your hormones, you're just like in your head and more emotional about all of these things Right. So it's like it's not like they're purposely doing anything, it's just like you have to like, vocalize what you need out of the vacation or like a rude way, right.
Speaker 2:Like, excuse me.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, and my, my attitude right now is not the best. That doesn't help the situation. Proceed with caution, but right, that's the thing with vacations and going on vacations with friends or family or whatever. You just have to try to be mindful of the people going and their situation, but also, like you also have to like stick up for yourself a little bit and say what you need out of the vacation and then that way everyone has fun because, like, everyone's like putting money into the vacation.
Speaker 2:Everyone's paying. You're paying your way.
Speaker 1:So it's like if you want it to be a vacation that you're going to enjoy, then you have to put in the work to maybe find something for yourself to do or for everyone to do, that they would all like to do. So I think just having that line of like open communication is important and not being afraid to say something.
Speaker 2:Well, just take an extra moment everyone to think about everyone in your party. Like can this person go down a hill skiing?
Speaker 1:Right? Or can these people go out on like the boat for five hours a day Right Up?
Speaker 2:north.
Speaker 1:No, like as much as they'd like to, they can't. You know so it's just like I know that was kind of like your situation with the kids, it's like I can't be out on the lake all day with the kids. And then we all were like why not? You know it's like why can't you?
Speaker 2:Have you met my children?
Speaker 1:Well, and then it's like that's not fun for your kids if they're miserable on a boat.
Speaker 2:Then it's not fun for me, and then everybody else gets irritated.
Speaker 1:It's like what's wrong with them? Well, and then they're a mess the rest of the day because, it's like they're hungry or they miss nap, or you know, you just try to push it a little too far.
Speaker 2:You know, it's just like yeah Well, and you know another thing that just came to mind. So even if you're not taking your kids with you on a trip, but if you want to go with other couples or something, so maybe not family, well, it could be family, but couples or family whatever. Going on a trip without your kids, like this we kind of ran into quite a few years ago. Out your kids like this we kind of ran into quite a few years ago, but we're not ones to like leave the kids home for an extended period and go off and do like some caribbean cruise or whatever.
Speaker 2:Um so we had friends that wanted to go on a cruise, but like a seven to ten day cruise well we're thinking like five days max, because we don't leave the kids like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's a long time vacation.
Speaker 2:We like to do it with everyone, like I mean, even when they're little. It's like we like to do vacation together and that's just how we are. And you know, they might they not everyone's like that. So we ran into that issue and it was really hard because our friends just couldn't understand that. Well, why don't you want to go? Like I would love to go, but I don't want to leave my kids for 10 days.
Speaker 1:Sorry, yeah, like I'm just not I mean, it's a long time, and it depends on their ages too, I think yeah, you know, and then like when they're young, you don't want to leave them, like you miss them. And like even when they're older, like you miss them. But then you're like, what are they doing to the house? Like you know, and it's like well, they were gone for a night, okay, so they never left me for 10 days.
Speaker 2:No, but that's all it took to get a hole in the wall.
Speaker 1:Yeah Well yeah, we won't. We won't go down. My lips are sealed.
Speaker 1:No, our friend was just a little intoxicated and was spinning down the hallway in a office chair and spun, hit her elbow into the wall and then we just proceeded to put a picture over the hole Because you can't tell, even though it was like almost floor level. Oh God good. Luckily dj was able to patch it up just fine. Yes, he did. That's funny. But I think they did leave the picture over there for a little while because it was so funny, because it was just. I mean, it was good the things you do in high school actually. No, I think it was our first year at college.
Speaker 1:SC form when you were here at town or community college.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think that might have been. It sounds about right, but anyways, yeah, there's a lot of different things to consider and I don't know it's, I think it's just forgotten that not everyone. Yeah. I think like you, I mean like well, that's just forgotten that not everyone is going to think like you. I mean like you know Well that's exactly it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, not everyone is in your mind and knows exactly what you're thinking. That's why it's important to communicate, and if you have like an issue or your needs, like on the vacation, are not being met, you have to just like vocalize that, because otherwise no one's going to know unless you tell them and you're going to be walking around all pissy Right, and then they're like what's wrong with you.
Speaker 2:What's wrong, yeah? Like why are you Right?
Speaker 1:And like nobody wants that.
Speaker 2:Like nobody wants that I mean God it's like Debbie Downer over here, yeah, so I think that that's a good place to leave it. Though, just to you know, make sure that you talk to everybody about things or, you know, just try to throw some input in some good ideas that are accommodating to you, yeah.
Speaker 1:Like when everyone's talking about the vacation, just provide like something, like a little like yeah, let's do this, or let's do this, let's all go do this. Like a little like, yeah, let's do this or let's do this.
Speaker 2:Let's all go do this. This town is awesome. Why don't? We go have like a shopping afternoon or even going out to a restaurant or something. I mean, if they're back in the evening, at least you know you guys can have drinks. Well, you can't drink, you can have a mocktail, but I mean you can do.
Speaker 1:Well, you're just all together, yeah. You're not secluded in the house in the Airbnb Right and I think like with this trip, like it's definitely going to be more people in and out, not skiing all day, maybe ski a half day. Some people go all day, like because there's other kids there. There's other parents that are going to have to be there too. Their kids are older or a little bit older, but they're still not going to go all day. They're not going to go all day, no yeah.
Speaker 1:So it's like. It's not like I'm going to be sitting alone at the Airbnb all day. But, it's like if I like want to get out like, I just have to like vocalize that and say that, because otherwise they're not going to know they might be like we're right on the base of the mountain, there's stuff like around there to do Like, but you just have to drive. Figure out what that is, I guess, or drive right, yeah but you know it may surprise you.
Speaker 2:They may, you know, enjoy the alternative activities too. I mean something that you come up with.
Speaker 1:I mean, let's just face it, we're all getting older and, um, who is gonna be able to ski all day? We went like huffing and puffing, like there's like who lives in that good a shape at this point that we're going to be skiing all day long. We all were in much better shape five, ten years ago, whenever the heck we went last time. And now it's just like, okay, yeah, half a day sounds good.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it sounds great, I mean the first day. You might be over ambitious and say all day, but I'm pretty sure it'll kind of dwindle, it'll even itself out towards the end.
Speaker 1:Well, and you know, then, when I think, when it just comes to vacations in general, like everyone has a different idea of what the vacation is going to be. Or what feels good, you know, like what is enjoyable, and that's why it's always like it can be tricky traveling with a bunch of people friends or family because everyone has a different idea of what the vacation looks like, even in the car.
Speaker 2:They want to do different things, right, just a matter of your stopping or how long you're going to go, or all the little things.
Speaker 1:Not everyone is going to be 100% happy. When you travel with that many people, it's just impossible. But that's why it's nice to accommodate and vocalize your concerns and what you want to do, so that if everyone doesn't want to do this activity and some people do, it's okay to split up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was going to say split the group up and you know you guys with the kids can go this way, right?
Speaker 1:It's like if the especially like people that don't have kids and they, you know, are either older or younger or whatever, it's like you guys can all go do whatever you want to do, but the people with kids might want to do something else and you don't have to do that every day. But it's like that's what's nice about being there a little bit longer is like you can do different things and different people can do different things, and then you can do things all together. But that's why it's important, like when you are planning vacations, that you just are all open about what you want to do. You know because, yeah, because otherwise it's like people can't read your mind. You know, people don't know, I don't know why not, I mean I pretty much.
Speaker 1:I mean they should.
Speaker 2:My looks are right across the side. You know my face.
Speaker 1:So yours usually are too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but I mean, gosh, even when we go up north now, we still. I mean, was it last summer, I think, or the summer before, when we all went up for the fourth, I don't remember what it was.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was Wednesday, I think, but you guys, you know were yeah, you guys were out on the boat a lot.
Speaker 2:The kids are older but they're still bored. We went into town, we went in and had lunch. There was a little festival thing going on. You know, like we just went and did our own thing, the four of us. But that's kind of how we always do things. We always I don't know we always have our regroup moment.
Speaker 1:We always just Well, that's the thing too. It's like when you are and then, like holiday weekends are always chaotic anyway, oh, I mean Because like there's a lot of people on the lake that you want to see, a lot of friends, like a lot of people from out of town are there, you know. So it's like that's a whole nother dynamic. And then, like we've been up there every year on the fourth doing all of these things, and so you're used to a certain routine and like that's just like what happens and then when someone else is like eh, you're like, but this is right.
Speaker 2:I know you're not gonna do this it's like I'm that way.
Speaker 1:It's like oh, it's like okay, but it's like we're still gonna do this, though you know, because, like that's the thing. It's like well, no, no, we do this every year, right sorry we haven't been up there in years on this holiday.
Speaker 2:We don't know what you do right.
Speaker 1:well, and that's the thing it's like. Another great point it's like when you have like a family cottage like that and you're used to doing something on a holiday or whatever, and then you either have friends up or family up that haven't been up there or haven't been up there in a while, and then they're like actually, can we do this? Or I don't think we're going to do. You're like what? What?
Speaker 2:No, no you're like what, what, uh, no, no, it's like what. How do you not want to do?
Speaker 1:this, this is what we do, what has to happen. So that's the other thing. It's like when you do go up with like a like, say we had a friend up, we would bring friends up, it's like they didn't have a choice right. Like if you're up here on this weekend, this holiday weekend, weekend, we wake up, we decorate the boat, we do the boat parade, we stay out and we drink and we are on like we go over to the to, like now my husband, but you know we go over to the Schmiggy's beach hang out there.
Speaker 1:It's like we'll have a cookout there and then usually us kids would stay and have a garage party, and then sometimes we would like just stay there or we'd go home. But it's like that's. I'm like that's what we did every year.
Speaker 2:What are you doing, jessica?
Speaker 1:you're going we would never. That's like we never we, we just. It's funny. We just started going into town more like the last, like five years maybe. Um, especially now, like with the kids, like there's a parade and you know stuff like that but you know, it's just funny because, like we had at that point no responsibilities like our.
Speaker 1:The guys we liked were over on the other side of the lake and I wanted to see bread and they were always like friends up and we're just like my kids would be bored. Well, right, it's like they're around a bunch of like annoying like 22 year olds and these old people and they're just on the boat all day or floating in the water and like this isn't fun for me. But I mean it's just, it's just funny because we were like there were no kids up there, like no kids, like no one on either side had young kids.
Speaker 2:The only kids that would come would be mine. Right, I mean, that was it and that's why it was such an awkward time for us.
Speaker 1:Well, and we are because we have an eight, almost nine-year age gap, so like the stages of life were so different. And then when you're going over to other people's houses on the lake and none of them have kids, it's just like a whole other thing. Everyone's just doing whatever they want to do and you're like I have two people I'm responsible for and they don't want to do this.
Speaker 2:And they are very bored and they don't yeah.
Speaker 1:And now, looking back, I feel kind of bad because I was like not helpful at all. I was like, no, I'm going over there and hanging out with that guy that I like and we're going to be on the boat and I'm going to have some drinks and I'm like see ya, but that's like being a young, selfish 22-year-old.
Speaker 1:But that's what it was but that's exactly what it was, and I'm like oh, now I can understand, Right, Because now I'm in that situation and like at the same time, though we all have kids now, Like I, have kids like you have kids. Sid has kids like. Brett's sister has kids, so it's like now everyone's in this stage of life of having kids. Our friends have kids now, so it's a completely different dynamic for everybody up there, but you're together.
Speaker 2:Now you have so many more people, I'm pretty much out of the stage.
Speaker 1:Well, right yeah. Because, we've already been there. Well, that's the thing. We're at least all, sid and I. Of course we're twins. We're pretty much in the same stage of life.
Speaker 2:We're like 10-year difference because you guys started everything a little bit later. I started earlier. Yeah, I didn't have Beau until I was 32. Expanded that gap.
Speaker 1:But yeah, I mean, gosh, that was when I had Taylor. My second was at 32. Yeah, I know. And then Brett's sister, Ashley. She had her kids like a little later, but our same time. She's older than us, like four years older than us. But, um, it's just crazy, though it makes a huge difference, because now I'm like, yeah, there's, you know, we're like getting pressured to go over to the other side of the lake because they're all over there, but then I have to be over here. We're not close enough where you can just like walk over there yeah drive or take a boat.
Speaker 1:And then we now that, now that we have like, um, now that brett and I are married, we have two cottages on the same lake because our family's both in cottages. So you have to pick like which one you're gonna stay at and stay there, because now we have bow. Before sometimes brett and I would switch off, like one night. I'd be here one night. You know I'm gonna have dinner over here and I'll just stay the night here, or you'd split.
Speaker 2:He'd be over at theirs and you'd be at ours. But now you can't, yeah, now you can't do that.
Speaker 1:Now it's like okay, well, you have to like have home base at one place and stay there, which makes it hard for the other family because they want to see you just as much. But you're like I can't do both, which also is, like you know, it's great that we have two cottages and two opportunities to be up there.
Speaker 1:If one place is full, we'll stay at the other place, kind of thing. But it's also hard because you feel so torn and it's like I'm not picking this one over you. I'm picking this one because there's room here, Right, or because I stayed here last time, I'm going to stay here this time, Like you just have to like kind of just that's just so much thought that has to go into it First.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's like what a problem to have. Which cottage are we staying at? But it does, it does like it does get hard.
Speaker 1:It's a lot of tension, though it's a little bit, yeah, especially with you and Brett, like you know, like he might want to get his folks and that was honestly a big yeah that was a problem when we were like dating and like together, like before we had Beau is like, uh, like you'd have to decide whose place you're having dinner at right.
Speaker 1:Sometimes we'd split up but you want to be together. So then you feel guilty leaving you know one place to go to the other. So, like a lot of the times we ended up splitting up and then I would like have dinner with my family. Then I'd go over there and like hang out with them at night, cause like our parents would go to bed earlier or there just wasn't much going on. But then over here, like his whole family's over there and and there's like a party in the garage and you're like, okay, I'll go over there after dinner. But then it's like at least you're spending time with your family that you want to be with, and then you can go over there and spend time with the other family that you want to be with. It's just like you have to. It's like a juggling act.
Speaker 1:And then sometimes like we'd be like, okay, before we go this weekend, which place are we staying at?
Speaker 2:Right, you need a plan. We're staying at mine or we're staying at yours, and then it's like okay, and then sometimes sometimes you gotta like justify your answers.
Speaker 1:Well, sometimes we'd be like on the boat and we're like, okay, what are you having for dinner tonight and what are you having for dinner tonight? It's like, ooh, they're having, they're having steak over there, let's go, we're going to go to your place tonight.
Speaker 2:You're having ribs on the grill, Hot dogs I just don't sound like it. It's like oh, you're just doing burgers and hot dogs.
Speaker 1:Okay, let's go to your place for dinner tonight. We would literally. And then it got to just like be a joke because we're like everyone's like okay who's got the better dinner.
Speaker 2:So that you can, yeah, so hard like when like you or Sid were up and I had to be pulled, I would most of the time just be like, no, I'm gonna say, have dinner with my family split up at that point, because you were, usually we did us, yeah, because I'm like, no, they're here, they're not here all the time.
Speaker 1:I was like I'm gonna be here if you want to come, great. But I'd also be like, if you want to go over there, I totally understand because his family like usually it'd be like a holiday weekend when it was the hardest, because his sister would come in from out of state, his brother would come in from out of state and of course he wants to be with them all the time. And so I'm like, oh yeah, of course, like you go over there. It wasn't always easy because we wanted to be together, but I'd be like no, you need to go over there.
Speaker 1:I want to be with my family later, like I'll see you all the darn time, like it's fine, but also you want to see the family that's in from out of town too, but you also want to see your family. So it's great and it's hard because it's not. It's like everyone's always up there. Yeah, it's not like you have to pick one place to go for the fourth. You know it's like we were always all in one spot and you had to pick like what cottage you're gonna be at and who you're hanging out with. It is so much tension and pressure like unnecessary because you're doing it to yourself, because everyone understands.
Speaker 1:But like now that we have beau it was this past summer it was really hard because you want to see the families from out of town but you also want to still see your family. And then you have a kid that you have to get their nap schedules and their food.
Speaker 2:They need a stationary spot they need to be comfortable Right.
Speaker 1:And there's all this other stuff going on. Other people are there. You feel like you're missing out because you have to sit at the cottage because he's napping, but then, like Brett would be off, like with his family, and I'm like you know I also need help. Yeah, and then that would be the thing too. It's like I totally get it. I understand you want to be with your family, but you also have this little family that I need your help too, because I was doing everything by myself and I'm like I just need a break, I need help.
Speaker 2:Right, so then yeah, family.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I like after like the second or third day of it, I was like Brett, you just I understand. I was like, but you have to help me more. Like I am running on E right now, Like you're up in a new place, Like he's young, he's breastfeeding. I know like I have to do a lot of it anyways, but I was like I just kind of need more of your help, you know yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so like, after I talked to him about it, it was fine, but it's like it was one of those things that we had to navigate through, because we had never had to navigate through it before with a kid, and I'm like I understand you want to be over there, but I need help. I was like I'm doing everything by myself. I'm like I am tired, I need help, like shout out to the single moms, because I was like God, like it was just a lot, and then you're in a new place. It's always harder. We have almost everything we would need at our cottage, though, like pack and play plates, bibs, whatever.
Speaker 1:Right but it's just, it's just, it's always a lot.
Speaker 2:But there's noises. It's like you wakes up from a nap because somebody's coming in and out of the doors.
Speaker 1:Right yeah.
Speaker 2:There's just so many things in. Walls are thin.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean it's not home, you know. Yeah, but that's the thing. Traveling, going away for a weekend, a week, whatever it's always going to be difficult to some extent and you try to make it as easy and comfortable as possible, but it's not going to be great, or?
Speaker 2:perfect for everyone.
Speaker 1:It just has to be like going into that. You have to understand that. Everyone else has to understand that, like they're not trying to make things hard, they're not trying to like ruin your vacation or anything like that. It's like they're just doing what they have to do, or what they want to do.
Speaker 2:I like how you say their vacation, but it's all of your vacation, like it's your vacation too.
Speaker 1:Well, I'm not necessarily talking about me specifically, but it's all of your vacation. It's your vacation too. Well, I'm not necessarily talking about me specifically, but just in the general scheme of things, like the other people that are on your vacation with you. But in their mind, though, they're thinking so it's just like you all have to. Just I don't know.
Speaker 2:Yes, be vocal. Express your feelings in a kind, calm way. Yes, be vocal, express your feelings in a kind, calm way.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I feel like that can also be the thing. It's like you never know how, like your tone is coming across to other people.
Speaker 2:Your tone's all wrong, or?
Speaker 1:well, not vocally, but like through, like a text message. I feel like people like you almost have to like do exclamation points and smiley faces and all that stuff, because if you say, if you say like something, like with nothing, they're just like oh god, she's pissed. You know, but that's like anybody, you know, especially when people just go okay, don Don't use the cat, it's so silly. But people just are like, okay, that's it, okay, she must be pissed. That's also hard. It's almost like just get on a call or a FaceTime or something so that people can actually hear your voice and that you're not mad or do a bunch of exclamations and smiley faces.
Speaker 2:That's a good point.
Speaker 1:Yes, it's always better to talk. But like, how silly, like you're just worried about your tone on a text message, but it's a thing now it's like a thing.
Speaker 2:I mean it's easy to set people off. I mean it would set us off. That's the thing like. What do you mean? That was really direct. She's like it's all wrong. Talk to me like that.
Speaker 1:It's like how dare she? No, uh-uh, that's not going to work, or how dare he. I can't believe. Brett said that to me.
Speaker 2:Okay, well, I think that pretty much sums up what we are trying to get across, which is just, you know, remembering to say what you're feeling. You know, talk through these vacations when you've got large groups, when, you know, and remember everybody's in different phases.
Speaker 2:So just because 99% of the people in your group can do it doesn't mean everyone can. So we will leave it at that and hopefully in our next episode we can kind of follow this up with how a certain trip did go and how it was navigated and we will analyze that. Thanks for joining us today on she's Got it Together. It's been a real journey, sharing and laughing with you all.
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