She's Got It Together
She's Got It Together
Navigating Social Media With Your Kids with Jenny Melrose
Hey everyone, it's Jessica from She's Got It Together. In this episode, I sit down with a special guest, Jenny Melrose, to discuss the challenges of navigating social media as parents and business owners. As moms, we often find ourselves in a tricky situation where we're constantly on social media for our businesses, but at the same time, we're trying to protect our kids and limit their exposure to these platforms.
Jenny, a former inner-city school district teacher turned successful blogger and business coach, shares her experiences and insights on how she handles this delicate balance with her own daughters. We dive into the importance of setting boundaries for ourselves as well as our children, and the need to have open conversations about the potential risks and dangers of social media.
Throughout our discussion, we touch on various aspects of parenting in the digital age, from deciding when to give our kids their first phone to monitoring their online activities and teaching them to be safe and responsible online. We also share some personal stories and tips on how to foster open communication with our children, even during those challenging tween and teen years.
Whether you're a parent, a business owner, or both, this episode is packed with valuable insights and practical advice on how to navigate the complex world of social media while keeping our families safe and connected. So join us for this engaging conversation, and don't forget to share your own experiences and thoughts with us!
You can find Jenny Melrose at:
Email: jenny@jennymelrose.com
Insta: @jenny_melrose
Hope you enjoyed this episode!
Remember we'll be back twice a month with more fun shananagins. Be sure to follow us so you don't miss a beat!
We'd sure appreciate a review too. This helps us reach more women just like you trying to make it through the sometimes chaotic, sometimes fun, and sometimes cry-worth days of motherhood.
Can't wait to hear more from us or want to leave us a comment?
Catch us on social:
Insta: @shesgotittogether
YouTube: @shesgotittogether
Blog: shesgotittogether.com
Here's to Getting it Together one day at a time,
Jessica & Samantha
And I think, when my friends that have older ones tell me the different things that have happened and how they've handled it and what they think and our parenting philosophies are very different, because I'm very like I'm going to tell you everything, I'm probably going to scare you a little bit with everything.
Speaker 1:You need to know everything, while someone else may not try to go that route, but I think understanding the situations that kids find themselves in has been really helpful. Um, I think when things have happened like she was bullied in sixth grade using um TikTok she didn't even have TikTok but another little girl was putting up things about her on TikTok and by the time I could get into it to be able to try to take a screenshot to give the mother, who happened to be the PTO president, what was being sent, it was gone by the time I could get to it.
Speaker 2:Hi everyone, and welcome to a brand new episode of she's Got it Together. I'm your host, Jessica and I'm Samantha.
Speaker 3:Each week we peel back the curtain on what it really looks like to have it together.
Speaker 2:From the messy moments to the milestones, we're here to share it all.
Speaker 3:So grab your favorite drink, get comfy and let's dive into today's topic.
Speaker 2:Hey everyone, welcome back to. She's Got it Together. We are here for another episode and we are going to be talking with a special guest. But before I say who that is, I'm going to give you the topic, because it's a little bit of a twist on what we usually do. This one has a little bit of a business feel to it. So we've talked about social media and you know how the struggle is with the kids and trying to keep them off of it in a, I guess, on a platform that's appropriate for their age. But how do we handle that when we are a business owner ourselves and on these platforms, and regularly. So it's a twist on you know we don't want to contradict ourselves by telling our kids one thing and then going and doing something else, but this is an interesting area to navigate and I'm really interested in this because I have that with my daughter.
Speaker 1:Yes, thank you so much, first of all for having me. I'm excited for this conversation. It's something near and dear to my heart because we have dealt with it quite a bit, especially as the girls have gotten older. So my name is Jenny Melrose. I'm actually a former inner city school district teacher. I started teaching, taught for nine years and was able to retire at 35 because my blogging income actually replaced my teacher salary.
Speaker 1:At the time when I started my blog, it was 2010. And my daughter, who is now 14, was six months old. So I started the blog because I had lost myself as a new mother and needed something that was my own and kind of was a passion project. And that's how it started. And as she grew and we ended up with a second surprise, because we had struggled for quite some time to get pregnant with my first, had to do fertility, we kind of just continued to grow the site and it became more of a food site. So it was the Melrose family where we created quick and easy recipes and projects for busy parents.
Speaker 1:I was able to grow that, like I said, to replace that teacher salary, and then we decided to turn around and sell that in 2000 for six figures because I was doing more of the speaking and coaching people on how they should be marketing their businesses so that they could grow online, which of course, goes right to this topic, because it's very sensitive topic, especially for moms that are on social media continually. Their kids see them doing that and then they're telling them no, you can't have it. Yeah definitely.
Speaker 2:That's amazing. I didn't realize that you had another blog before all of this and now you are just on the business end of it pretty much, and when I had the Melrose family, it was my journey of learning how to cook, because I didn't know how to cook, I was never taught.
Speaker 1:I was an athlete all throughout high school, played two sports in college. I was never in the kitchen. So once we had my first daughter, my husband was working crazy hours and I was a teacher. So I was home around dinnertime and realized I'm going to have to figure this out in order to feed my child that's growing into toddler that needs real food. So the Melrose family, kind of, was my journey of like sharing. If I can do it, you can definitely do it.
Speaker 2:Oh, how cool. Now is it still around. I know you sold it, but is it still around? That's awesome, I feel like.
Speaker 3:Dinner is always so hard too, because it's the end of the day. You're tired. Your kids are at that phase where it's like before bedtime. They've got that witchy now where you're just like oh my gosh, and instead of trying to just go grab a pizza or something. You want to have a healthy meal for your kids? Yeah, especially when they're just starting to like eat. You know, finger foods and everything.
Speaker 2:That's great. Yeah, and you know I mean it requires planning too. That's where I feel you have to take something out of the freezer in the morning. I'll think about it by like three o'clock. I'm like, oh shoot, how do I solve that?
Speaker 3:What am I doing?
Speaker 2:for dinner, okay, so that I could see us going down a big rabbit hole with that one. So let's dive into the actual topic we're going to talk about then, and that's just the social media aspect of this and trying to navigate our kids. Having them understand, I guess, why we are on it so often and why they can't be. I think that's probably the biggest piece there, because as business owners, you have to be, I mean, if that's what you're working through and you need that marketing piece. So it's not really an option to just say, okay, I will stop with you, you know, I'll practice what I preach, but just to explain to them how it is different compared to what they might be doing and what we're limiting them.
Speaker 1:And I think that it goes twofold right, there's two parts of the conversation. I think the first part of the conversation needs to be you, as the business owner and as the mom, have to put boundaries in, because, let's be honest, we could be on it all day every day, and it's addictive and it's set up that way.
Speaker 1:So, as the mom, the business owner, you need to know when your boundary is in place. We have always said no phones at the table, at the dinner table, because we always try to eat together, no matter how many different directions we're running in, especially now that they're getting older. But having that boundary there as well as like having the work hours and knowing okay, I'm putting this down if I need to be present and they are either just much more aware as they get older and they're watching to see what you're doing. So I think the first place is to have your own boundaries put in place and if you are that business owner, I will kind of put it out there that you don't have to be everywhere. Don't feel like you have to be on every single platform trying to do all of the things. Find one platform where your people actually are. So you have to know your like demographics as far as who you're trying to reach out, to Spend your time there and if you get triggered by certain content that you see, block those people or get off the platform just for a little bit that you're not continually being hit with it, because you will take that and I think that right there was the biggest reason that I knew I needed to have boundaries in place, not only for myself, but then also for my girls.
Speaker 1:I am a confident business owner. I have been doing this for a very long time, before Instagram existed. Pinterest was a baby when I started. I've been online for a very long time now. At this point, I consider myself a dinosaur Because of that. I also know that I get triggered by certain content. There's things that I see that I'm like oh my God, I'm so sick of this highlight reel. She's so full of crap. I know her in real life. That's not the way she actually handles things and it's so frustrating at times. So for me, knowing that I get triggered, to then think about okay, I have a 14 year old who's at that phase where they're going to their middle school. There's so much that's in their face and I know she's going to get triggered. No matter how confident that child is, she is likely to find things that are going to just not sit well with her.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think that was my first place and that's where I started with her and when she would ask, it was we're coming. My 14 year old, was a fifth grader when we came back from COVID, when they first came back to school. So fourth grade was when COVID happened for her. So fifth grade she comes back. We change schools. Everyone's got a phone. She doesn't have a phone as a fifth grader. We held off as long as we could, gave it to her at the end of fifth grade and then she went to middle school. And when she got to middle school, as we could, gave it to her at the end of fifth grade and then she went to middle school.
Speaker 1:And once she got to middle school it was everyone's got social media, everyone has a game. I want TikTok, I want Snapchat, I want Instagram, and it was.
Speaker 2:You're not mentally prepared for that and we're not doing that yet I think I don't think anyone is mentally prepared for it. Honestly, you know it's, I mean it's a struggle for anyone at any age, and I think that's perfect because that's what I did with my oldest, who is 15 now. So she didn't have a phone until she was in middle school too, actually, like the end of middle school, I think it might have been middle, maybe seventh grade. But as far as social media, you know, we kind of fell into that trap of okay, everyone has it, all your friends are on this like. So Snapchat came up and then we realized how terrible that was, especially since it's gone and we don't necessarily know exactly what's happening. So that ended really quick.
Speaker 2:And then, you know, then it was like okay, then what can I have? So we ended up with like an Instagram, but she was limited, like, she had a private account, she was limited on who could be approved, so I had control over who could be approved. So that was. You know, it's like they always figure out another way around, like I. It is a struggle, but I mean we try and I mean the other piece of that is like okay, so how long are? You know you're going to be on this. How are you scrolling so at during school? You know I have all of the settings so that literally all she can do is call or text at school. And that was, you know, for obvious reasons, like she had limited contact. She had me contact, she had me her dad, you know, like we had like grandmas on there, just emergency contacts kind of like, because I didn't want her to not be able to communicate, especially these days, with we never know what's happening in schools.
Speaker 2:But I also didn't want to have this problem where she's, you know, scrolling through things, texting her friends, because I knew if I wanted to be a distraction right if I took away the social media or the games and things during school, she'll just go to texting and texting whoever else is there, like we don't need this. So I mean, using those controls in there has been a lifesaver, for me at least. I mean Apple does a really good job with all of that. But now that she's growing, you know obviously I have to release some of this and kind of let her. You know experience that I don't want her to be completely sheltered. I want her to understand how to handle it as she gets older, appropriately, I guess. But it is. It's so hard because kids can, really, they can, you know, they're smart enough. They can just go make an account wherever they want. I mean it's not like there's any verification. You throw in a birth date and you're good to go.
Speaker 3:Well, you just hope that you've been able to like teach them you know how to be safe online, so that they know like, if they like run into something that is a little sketchy, they know what to do. They can come to you. They know like I'm not going to just follow this random person or accept this random person.
Speaker 3:So it's like just being able to talk about how to be safe online. I think is important too when you do, or when you are ready to give them that freedom. And I think, like Beau's 16 months, so like I have a while until I have to worry about that with him, but it's fine, but I still like think about it. I'm just like, hmm, when am I going to like want to have, like give him a phone? When am I going to feel like it's safe for him to be online and I know like he's going to want it sooner than I'm ready for him to have it, and like that's a conversation we're going to have to have because every family is different. You have to just, you know, be like you know what. I know like Sandy over here has a phone and she's online, but you know that's just not like what we're doing right now. So you have to be able to be confident in the boundaries that you're setting and not try not to.
Speaker 3:I can say this now, when I'm not even going through it but just like try not to like give in, to like it's like peer pressure for parents to be like yeah, like your kids coming to you. All my friends have a phone. Like I hate you, you're not giving it to me. That's Taylor, right now, fourth grade, and she's like what? 10? Yes, she's 10.
Speaker 2:And I mean they all have phones at school, but I will not give her one, one that she's just too irresponsible and will break it. But you know, two, I mean I don't want her, she doesn't need it.
Speaker 3:I don't need her on social media and things. It's like they have phones at school. You can call me from school.
Speaker 2:Right, you know she's at a smaller school, so I'm feeling a little safer there.
Speaker 3:Yeah, well gosh, when I was like their age, there wasn't all of this social media Like MySpace, was the was the thing.
Speaker 2:I didn't even have that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, myspace was like I remember like big thing and that was a little different. Like you would add, like your friends and stuff, but then you could chat in there. But I just remember people like drama at school would go and then everybody would chat about it on MySpace or you'd get a message from some girl that's like oh, you're talking to that guy that I like it was not a healthy thing and that's what it can be on Instagram now. Or Facebook. Like Facebook came out more when I was like end of high school but we didn't have one for a long time. It's just like, it's all, like just developed.
Speaker 2:It is. It's just crazy. Can you imagine what Beau's going to have?
Speaker 3:No, and I don't want to.
Speaker 2:I'm scared. Maybe it will all crash. There'll be no social media by the time it's his turn.
Speaker 3:Right. Yeah, it's like it'll be back in the 90s, when we were growing up. There wasn't a lot of technology.
Speaker 1:What did we have?
Speaker 3:I was like I appreciated my childhood really.
Speaker 2:Oh, you know what it was. We had AOL Messenger. Oh, that's right, these chat rooms we had that too. Yeah, like that was all I remember Well you'd get online at night, we weren't supposed to be on and it's like trying not to like wake up your parents, yep.
Speaker 3:And then it was like AIM that came out and it was like that more updated version of AOL. You had your screen name and you would hear the door like creak open when somebody got on and you were just like, oh god, like the guy I likes on or my friends are on, and then all of a sudden the door would slam like oh, they got offline. Like there was no way to see other if they were online or not. It's crazy. Now it's like you can just talk to anybody. It's scary.
Speaker 2:And it's so visual. That's the thing now. It's so visual and that's scary. I mean, even so, we ran into kind of an issue, you know, with my oldest. You know we had this conversation about even just pictures on your phone. You need to be mindful of what you're taking pictures of and who you're sending them to. You know, like kids are mean, kids are cruel.
Speaker 3:Well, and just like if it has your address in the background or it has a picture of your house and there's some creep online, who knows what people are seeing your stuff, so true. And it's hard for kids to realize the things that developmentally they're not necessarily thinking of those things. No, so they're just like oh, I'm just posting a selfie of me and it just happens to have, like, my house and my address in the background.
Speaker 2:Well, you know, but there could be some creep online, you know that you're not, that you have no idea where you're at too. Yeah, you know, like when, when Hayden's out, if she's at the mall or she goes to the movie, it's like there's no tagging, Like I don't want them knowing your location. That's what.
Speaker 3:Facebook like statuses were for us and like AIM you'd put like your away message oh hey, like, and you'd literally tell like your day and your schedule and what was going on. I'm like that was so dumb, so dumb. People knew where I was my time I worked. Why on earth did I do that? And it was just like you had no idea.
Speaker 2:You weren't like educated on that, but even adults didn't think about it, then you know we didn't think about it. I mean, that wasn't something that mom and dad, you know, were like don't do this, don't do that. You know that didn't come into play until this full wave of social media, I think.
Speaker 1:That also goes to the point of everything is out there now, any story you hear, like when you're talking about taking the pictures For us we had a friend that got their daughter's picture got edited and it got changed and put in that she had something in her hand that she shouldn't have as a 16-year-old and it turned into now you're not playing volleyball for the high school team for something she never, ever did. But you know, it's just so easy now to edit photos and make it seem like they're somewhere that they're not or they are. It's just there's too much there they have access to now it is.
Speaker 2:I didn't even think of that. I mean, that is so true.
Speaker 3:It's just sad that all this stuff can be used in such a negative way when, like it obviously, like wasn't necessarily made for that. But it turns into that because there's just too much at your fingertips to use, you know.
Speaker 2:Too much control over things, Too much you know yeah. Gosh. A lot of people have too much time in their hands.
Speaker 1:Yes, but those are the conversations I think you need to have with your kids too. It's like this is what happened to her, and I mean, this girl is, with that time, probably 10 years older than my oldest, but it was still kind of like this is the what happens over time, what can potentially happen, and I need you to understand. Like something dumb that you say there was a New York Yankee years ago probably I don't even know if I had my girls yet he said something on Twitter to one of his friends and he used something that was culturally offensive. They went back five, ten years and found it. He lost his contract with the Yankees as a pitcher over something just dumb that he didn't think about Just in the moment. Yes, and the kids love to think, oh, I'm going to put it out there and it's gone.
Speaker 3:It's never going to happen.
Speaker 1:Let's be honest. They're taking a screenshot, they're doing whatever they need to do in order to use it the way that they want to. No those are such the conversations, and I think the transition point for us of when we did decide to let my 14 year old have it is she was giving PowerPoint, starting in like sixth grade, to us of like why she should get to have it I love it.
Speaker 1:Do the research and here's the benefits, and I'll be able to understand how to use all these platforms as a business owner Totally. Of course, you know, feeding into the business owner side.
Speaker 3:Right, right. Of course she knows her audience.
Speaker 1:I love it, totally does. But we got to that point where I was like, okay, explain to me how you're going to use it. And I think that was it, because the way that I saw Snapchat was not the way that they were using it. They were actually like they use it not to post to their feed. She doesn't really post to her feed a lot like we think of, like Instagram and things like that. They're using it as a text message, exactly. It's easier to take photos and like, send of, like what you're doing and like what you're eating and whatever to just particular people her besties they would be doing via text and then it's just easy to like, reply and see who's done it and whatever else.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, that is what we started with and it just we ended up, you know, like bullying happening on there because friends weren't friends anymore and it just, it just rolls downhill and that age is hard.
Speaker 3:You know, those middle school ages are hard, it's just always such a yeah, and it's like friendships change, like personalities change, like it's just you're going from like this, like fifth grade kid in elementary school, and then you're going into, like new friends, new school. You feel like you're, you know, older and more mature and then, like you can be easily influenced at that age by other people.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so hard, and that's like when they want everything to like. That's what they want, right? Social media on the phones and stuff like that. But that's also when all that stuff happens too. So you're just like, I'm just trying to protect you.
Speaker 2:I've been through this in some way. Yeah Right, yeah yeah.
Speaker 3:It is hard to find that balance, for sure, gosh, and I think it's hard too because, like now, there's the whole like Instagram versus reality, because people are posting like highlight reels of like their life or what they're doing and it's not exactly like as picture, perfect as it seems, and like us as adults get sucked into that too, you know.
Speaker 3:So imagine, you know like a 14, 15 year old kid who's just like, oh my gosh, look at this, you know girl doing her skincare routine. She's so pretty and like gosh. Look at this, you know, girl during her skincare routine. She's so pretty and like skinny and like all this stuff, and it's really like you know, they just are so envious of that life or like, why don't you let me like make videos and do this, Like it's so hard to just navigate all the new things that are coming up and what they're seeing it's just so hard to control.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I mean we haven't even talked about youtube. I mean youtube is this other beast. I mean it's like social media, it's like search engine. It's just it's got so many components to it and right now, like my youngest taylor, she is obsessed with having a youtube channel because she watches youtube constantly. She loves playing minecraft, she's good at it. I mean she does roblox, like she like does all of these building type of games or I don't know what. I am not into them. I have no, probably describing them wrong.
Speaker 3:I think I mean she's so creative on them that they're like an engineering mind kind of thing.
Speaker 2:You know it's, but she wants to like video herself talking through you know, like what she's doing and all of this stuff.
Speaker 3:And she sees other kids doing that.
Speaker 1:She does.
Speaker 2:And she's recorded some on her computer because she doesn't have a channel yet and it's very good, like she's really good at it. It's crazy but it's, how do you control even that piece? I mean that's something that's going to be again put out there pretty much forever in that piece. I mean that's something that's going to be again put out there pretty much forever. And you know this is a child. Even if I have, you know, I don't know if I can even control her channel and who's there and who's watching, and things like that. I haven't even gotten that far. But I mean she's got a few friends right now that have channels, they have videos up, they're doing all of this and she's actually on some of them.
Speaker 3:I discovered just last week because that's a whole nother element. I know I'm like being like when they're not with you and they're on another kid's channel or instagram story or something like that. You don't have control over. That's a whole nother thing that you could like dive into.
Speaker 2:This is just like they video each other because they're on what is it? The kid messenger. We finally got her that kid messenger and she's on a call with her and she just videos what they're doing on the call and then she adds to it, posts it to her channel. I'm like I don't even have a way to stop this. You know like I'm trying to keep it to a minimum with everything. I mean, this chat is really good for her and she does well with it. We've got full control of it. But then I don't have full control so it seems, because I don't know what's being recorded on the other end and who's doing what with it. It's just right, so much. And then even games so like her minecraft and her roblo, there's chat within these Right, like we've had to turn some off. They go to different servers, they do all this stuff and it's like who's there? Who are they talking to? I mean even her VR. She got a VR thing for Christmas, like that meta. Oh my gosh.
Speaker 3:That thing scared me so bad, I know I was doing some monkey like climbing thing and then all of a sudden it just like I jumped somehow and it like I felt like I was falling down this mountain and I screamed, I scared my child. I'm like I felt so sick after. I'm like this is not for me, I don't know, how you can do this all day. This is not my cup of tea.
Speaker 2:I'm like this is not for me. I don't know how you can do this all day. This is not my cup of tea. Yeah, no, and I mean even in those there's like people that you talk to and interact with and they're running around and doing things Like you can't turn it all off. It's like either she doesn't get to have any of it or you have to kind of trust that she's doing. I mean, I try to check in on it, I'll get on it once in a great while. I can't do it. It makes me like get vertigo, it's just like. So it's not for me either.
Speaker 3:It's like hey honey, hey DJ, can you just?
Speaker 2:um for me, I can't do it no-transcript, and it's just, I think, being that she's grown up with all of this from day one, I almost think that she has a better handle on it than my oldest daughter, who's you know, five years older, because she started with kind of nothing. I protected her longer. She didn't get into any of this extra like. I mean, I think she played Roblox. I don't know if she did Minecraft, she definitely didn't do the VR stuff and like there's so many other things that she went and TikTok or not TikTok, but Snapchat was like her biggest thing and it was a disaster. But she doesn't know how to navigate it real well at this point.
Speaker 2:Still, it could be personality, it could be age, I don't know, but Taylor, she's pretty good. It's like. Last night she came to me. She's like so Brittany and I were playing Minecraft and she goes on the computer, plays Minecraft and then has her little friend on her tablet and they're talking through and playing. It's like a whole thing. Sometimes the TV even is on. She's got youtube, you know. But anyways, she, um, she's like, well, somebody came in and was talking to me and they said it was somebody from school and they were giving me all these details about somebody at school, so I don't know if it was them or if it was some creeper like. So she like immediately red flags it.
Speaker 3:So I feel she's aware.
Speaker 2:You know, right, that's what I mean like she has this, this ability to understand that something's not quite right, or I should not trust this person because they never gave him access to the world they're in and all of this. Like I said, I don't know it all, so not quite sure how it all works, but I know enough that somebody was there that shouldn't have been there and she's questioning who it was and if it really was her friend. So I mean, I don't know, I couldn't tell you if it's the age or if it's just her personality, but she's, I feel, a little bit safer with her.
Speaker 1:I don't know. I always go out just telling them the stories, the things that are happening. So they do know those red flags right, like what is off, what doesn't sound right, what seems a little not right?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I definitely agree. I mean, we've we watched? We watched a program on the gosh, what was it called? It was probably last year. It was kind of like a documentary about social media itself and it was kind of like showing how people manipulate and how they're sneaking and how they're not really who they are. And I watched it with both the girls, but I think Taylor absorbed more of it. She was just very intrigued by like wow, how is that? Because she's very logical in her thinking and she needs to like figure out well, how could they possibly get in here if I have it? You know, it's my world and I've got a, you know, guest, I have to be invited and things like that. And then you've got my oldest, who's just whatever.
Speaker 3:They're so different though too, like Hayden's, so much more like trusting and easygoing and gives people the benefit of the doubt and I feel like Taylor questions a lot she's very skeptical. So it's like that personality, of course, is going to do a little bit better online, because they're already like skeptical of anybody, let alone some person that comes into their world. You know so.
Speaker 3:I think, I think personality definitely has, definitely has a place on social media and how they navigate it. Because I mean, just like with my twin sister, like Sydney and I were so different and she was always this very trusting, easygoing, like everybody's nice and like no one, nothing's bad is going to happen to me, and then I was'm the complete opposite. I am just like skeptical of everybody. It's like don't talk to that person, like who is that? Like I'm like no right. So I think it's definitely a personality, too that has an impact on like I guess, if they question things more than others online for sure, well, do you?
Speaker 2:have any more tips on how we can, you know, navigate? I mean, obviously we want to be very open about it and limit it as long as we can, but it's inevitable that they're going to get into this. They're going to need to maneuver through all of these hurdles. I mean, it's part of life now. So do you have anything that's been working really, really well for you or ways to?
Speaker 1:work around things Well. I think one thing that has definitely helped is having conversations with the other parents, whether they're the same age or I have friends that have older kids and I think when my friends that have older ones tell me the different things that have happened and how they've handled it and what they think and our parenting philosophies are very different, because I'm very like I'm going to tell you everything, I'm probably going to scare you a little bit with everything.
Speaker 1:You need to know everything, while someone else may not try to go that route, but I think understanding the situations that kids find themselves in has been really helpful. I think when things have happened like she was bullied in sixth grade using TikTok she didn't even have TikTok but another little girl was putting up things about her on TikTok and by the time I could get into it to be able to try to take a screenshot to give the mother, who happened to be the PTO president Of course.
Speaker 1:Of course, what was being sent, it was gone by the time I could get to it. So I think, just talking through those things and just going back to your family values, I think anytime you can bring that back up with them and have that established like where do you see your family and what are the values that we have? And being able to tie it back to this isn't why we don't do this.
Speaker 2:This is why we do handle it. The examples are huge, I think I mean it just really sets it into reality for them. Yeah, yes. So I have another question for you. I'm going to just kind of explain why.
Speaker 3:I'm asking this.
Speaker 2:So what we did in the past, when we first gave Hayden her phone, we actually had it cloned and I had an old iPhone. I had her entire phone cloned on it so we could always see what was happening. We could see, you know, her pictures, her texts, everything was there, who was calling. If you know, if somebody called in the middle of the night, this phone next to us went off. So how do you feel about that privacy bit with this as a mom?
Speaker 1:So, and again, I have two kids that are very different. One is very mature for her age.
Speaker 2:Does PowerPoint presentations to explain why she should have it Right. Business owner there.
Speaker 1:And then I have another one that's like eight years old and rides the scooter on a main road to go, find, go somewhere, like two three miles away where I'm like walks in and I'm like did you get here?
Speaker 1:Oh, I run my scooter, oh, my gosh, you and your dad, so you know, I think that's part of it is like you have to kind of know your kids and the conversations that you have to have with them and the boundaries that you have to be able to put in with them conversations that you have to have with them and the boundaries that you have to be able to put in with them. I am wary of my little one as she gets older and what will happen because she makes decisions like her dad and her dad didn't always make the best decisions, right, right, that kind of stuff, especially socially, yeah. So I think that that and listen, by all means, I am no expert when it comes. I still try to figure this out and try to continue to have that open communication.
Speaker 1:It's funny because I have a client right now that sees herself as a food blogger but actually started telling me how she cooks in the kitchen with her tweens and teens. And they tell her everything because she cooks with them and has been since they were tweens. They don't hide in their rooms, they just have open conversations, and she was telling me how she hates being a food blogger. She just doesn't want to keep pushing out recipes that don't have any connection to anything and I'm like we need to do this, we need to do this, we need to do this, we need to do this. Like you got to talk about the team.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, yeah, that whole other piece to that that would.
Speaker 3:I feel like that's such a huge thing because at that age, like you want to be around your kids more, you want to talk to them more, and they are just like not interested in it. So there's something that you can do with them. That actually brings them out of their room and they're talking to you. It's like you can't stop doing that.
Speaker 2:No, what a connection. That is so neat, that's great.
Speaker 1:And she has it to a point where, like, she doesn't ask them awkward questions that were like hey, how was your day? Just kind of comes right. It just she'll just start chopping here. You start chopping, I'm going to chop this, this is what we're geared towards. She's like, and sometimes she goes. She has like this guide that she just recently put together with like tips of what to talk about, like tell them a story about your family and like what you were like as a kid, or put on music and like have a conversation about like um, mc Hammer and what he used to wear when you used to listen to any of those types of conversations. So it's not so much of that awkward how was your day?
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're not drilling them, cause I think that's what we find is like, even when they walk in like how was your day, fine? And they go away.
Speaker 3:It's like what did you do? I don't know, right exactly that's.
Speaker 2:That's a million dollar. Yeah, I don't know. Well, it was only 10 minutes ago that you left school. What were you doing before you left?
Speaker 1:but yeah, that's a cool thing, I feel like it's things like that, where we try to make those like moments with them where it's not so awkward, so that they can feel like they're going to tell us everything.
Speaker 2:Yes, no pressure kind of thing.
Speaker 1:Yes, Hopefully, we're obviously not friends, because I don't believe in a parent being friend with them until they're like they're in their 20s. Then it's a different ballgame. But when they're little, I believe in like having that boundary. You're like they're in their twenties, Then it's a different ball game. But when they're little, I believe in like having that boundary You're the parent, you know they're the child. But I do think anytime you can take advantage of those moments, like for us. A lot of times it's driving them because this one's got to go to volleyball and this one's got to go to dance.
Speaker 1:That's when we'll have conversations and again, like I, go back to turn 81. What? Go back to turn reading on what's what? Do they want to listen to you? You know, I'll have a podcast on. They'll get and be like and I'm ready to listen to it, hear those words. That's how we've been around your own business, yeah right, I love that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's interesting. I think you know Hayden and I actually have that conversation every day after I pick her up from school, but before I get her sister, there's like a 20 minute gap and just driving from one school to the next sitting in the parking lot. That's kind of when everything just comes out and it just it's totally casual. I usually put the music on that's from my day and they crack up over it because I mean it's not, it's not cool music to them.
Speaker 1:So I have found to like sharing pieces of your day, what you're frustrated with, what you're really excited about with them, and it seems like they wouldn't connect with it. But my youngest is very empathetic and when she sees that I'm like worked up about something, whether I'm angry, whether I'm happy, whatever it is all of a sudden it's like her attention just kind of like changes and she's in it. She will start sharing things and trying to see if I'm feeling better and offering to like have it's just. The shift is interesting.
Speaker 1:Whereas, like the, other one doesn't want to talk about feelings, oh dear God. But you know, I think it's just kind of trying to figure out what works with your kids, because they are always. Each child is so different.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's very true, Gosh. I love those ideas, though. I think that's really smart, and it's something that's so obvious that you don't think about it. You know, those are the things that are always the best. It's like those ones that you should just, you know, should click because it happens randomly and just keep replicating it. But we don't. So that's really smart, All right, Well, I think that was a great conversation today and I would love for you all to be able to connect with Jenny. Um, do you want to give them? You know where they can find you and all of that good stuff.
Speaker 1:Yes, um, the easiest place, honestly, is Instagram, at Jenny underscore Melrose. You, if you have any questions about anything, you can just send me a DM. It will be me in there answering. Otherwise, if you're not on Instagram, send me an email at Jenny, at JennyMelrosecom.
Speaker 2:Awesome. We'll put that in the show notes too, so don't worry about trying to remember all that, but it was so nice having you on here today. We'll have to have you back because there's so many other things I think we could really talk about. There was lots of rabbit holes that I saw potential for today, but thank you again for being on here and we will see everybody in the next episode. Thanks for joining us today on. She's Got it Together. It's been a real journey, sharing and laughing with you all.
Speaker 3:We hope you're walking away with a smile on your face and a bit more confidence in your step.
Speaker 2:Remember, you're not alone in this crazy ride called life. We're all in this together, one day at a time.
Speaker 3:Don't forget to subscribe, leave us a review and, of course, share this podcast with all the incredible women in your life.
Speaker 2:Join us next week for more stories, more laughs and more real talk.
Speaker 3:Until then, keep embracing your unique journey and remember you've got it together more than you think.
