She's Got It Together
She's Got It Together
Hey SuperMom! It’s Time to STOP doing Everything
Hey there, super moms! In this episode, my co-host Samantha and I are getting real about the myth of having to do it all as a mom. We're challenging the unrealistic expectations placed on moms to be perfect and juggle everything with a smile. It's time to rethink what being a super mom really means!
We dive into the importance of asking for help, whether it's from your spouse, friends, family, or even outsourcing tasks like grocery shopping. We also chat about the need to prioritize and let go of the guilt when we can't get everything done. Laundry piling up? Dishes in the sink? It's okay, mama!
We share our own experiences navigating the demands of motherhood, working from home, and finding those crucial moments for self-care. It's all about figuring out what works best for you and your family, whether that means delegating chores to the kids or embracing the occasional pizza night.
So join us as we keep it real and remind you that you're already rocking it as a mom, even if you didn't make that Pinterest-perfect sandwich for your kid's lunchbox today. It's time to let go of the pressure and embrace the perfectly imperfect journey of motherhood together!
Hope you enjoyed this episode!
Remember we'll be back twice a month with more fun shananagins. Be sure to follow us so you don't miss a beat!
We'd sure appreciate a review too. This helps us reach more women just like you trying to make it through the sometimes chaotic, sometimes fun, and sometimes cry-worth days of motherhood.
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Here's to Getting it Together one day at a time,
Jessica & Samantha
Jessica (00:01.546)
All right, we are back and talking about the myth of being a mom that has to do it all. There's no super moms here. Well, there are super moms here, but not in the way we think. We don't have to, yes, we are, there we go, there we go. That's what I'm trying to say here. Thank you, Sam. We, yes, exactly, my other, the other half of my brain.
Samantha (00:16.182)
We're rethinking the super mom. Mm-hmm. That's what I'm here for.
Jessica (00:28.346)
This is gonna be a little bit dicey, I think. I can't even get my words out. You're all in for a treat today. All right, so what we mean is we don't have to do everything on our own. We can enlist help. We can not do it all, like just not do it. Like things don't have to be done, at least not, yes, exactly, I'm missing that point, by us.
Samantha (00:30.453)
I'm gonna go get some more.
Samantha (00:47.958)
by us every time.
I feel like we're just going, let me, let me jump in here.
Jessica (00:56.004)
Yes, we're gonna let her jump in because it's just not coming to me.
Samantha (00:58.018)
So I feel like today we just want to challenge that unrealistic expectation that's placed on moms to be perfect and do everything. And you know, I'm like, I'm sick right now and I feel like I'm still expected to show up, work, take care of Bo, keep the house clean, do the laundry. Like, yes, I work from home, which is great. So if I'm sick, I can show up, but
Jessica (01:18.79)
Just here.
Jessica (01:24.754)
I'm gonna go get some water.
Samantha (01:26.83)
There's just all those demanding life things that I feel like there's all this pressure put on moms to be able to do it all with a smile on your face. And I think we're just here to challenge that norm and be like, hey, you know, you have, if you're a single mom, I mean, heck, more power to you because, you know, even when I am home with Bo all day and then
Jessica (01:47.023)
Yeah.
Samantha (01:55.65)
Brett has something to do at night and I'm there all day, sun up to sun down, putting him to bed. It's exhausting. And you are doing everything alone. And sometimes you do have to do it alone. If you hopefully have a support system, parent, grandparent, friends, people that can just be there to help you. Because even if you do have like a spouse, a partner, whoever.
Jessica (02:01.186)
Yes, exhausting.
Jessica (02:11.078)
friends, yeah.
Samantha (02:18.41)
It can be a lot. So reaching out to those like support systems that you have, friends, family, and asking for help, it's okay, it doesn't make you a bad mom or a bad dad or... Right.
Jessica (02:28.97)
or incapable or anything like that. This is, it's a village. You need a village. They've said that for years, you know, millions of years probably. It takes a village to raise. So it's part of the package. And the other part of that is you don't have to get it all done right now. That's one of the things I think as moms, we just feel like we have to get all of the tasks, all the chores, everything done now, whether it's just expected of us
Samantha (02:34.24)
Yeah.
Samantha (02:47.72)
Yeah.
Jessica (02:58.824)
Or if it's just us expecting it of ourselves. We don't have to, we can leave dishes in the sink. There can be laundry that's not done. If we didn't vacuum today, yeah, it's like, it doesn't have to be. We don't have to kill ourselves to get it done. Nothing is being harmed by it not being done. There will be another day, there will be another hour. We can figure it out. If we need to take a break, we need to take a nap.
Samantha (03:02.647)
Right.
Samantha (03:07.874)
There's that mom guilt, you know?
Jessica (03:28.844)
Okay, and I think that that's part of being the super mom is knowing when to slow down We don't need to make ourselves sick over doing too much We need to you know be there be a happy mom be present. You know for our kiddos
Samantha (03:45.29)
Right. You want to show up as the best mom, best version of you. And if you're burnt out, worrying about getting all this housework done and getting the kids to this activity and making sure like your husband's taken care of or the laundry is done and you have all these things going through your head and you're just burnt out, you're not the healthiest version of you. And you're not going to be able to show up as that present healthy mom or parent.
Jessica (04:06.734)
Right.
Samantha (04:11.362)
for your kids and again, like that's the thing. There's like, it's like a double edged sword. You feel like that mom guilt for not getting to this or not right. And then you feel bad when like you do get to it, but you're not fully there, you know? So it's like, it's fighting balance and just healthier approaches. Yeah.
Jessica (04:15.846)
Mm-hmm.
Jessica (04:19.682)
Which you shouldn't. Like there shouldn't be any mom guilt, but.
Yeah. Which is more important? Yeah, you've got to decide which is more important on that. And I would hope that we all choose our kids and be in present. But it's something we kind of have to train our minds. Yeah. I mean, like. Yeah, right.
Samantha (04:39.242)
Yeah, it's like, is it okay if you didn't make a home cooked meal today and you just ordered pizza or got a ready made meal from Costco? Fine! I mean, you don't have to have this beautiful home cooked meal every single night and I feel like sometimes there's that expectation. And for some people that's important and that's okay. You have to decide what your like non-negotiables are, I guess, and what's important for you. Right.
Jessica (04:55.772)
Yeah.
Jessica (05:00.174)
Great. Well, which right. I would say which tests can be dropped. Yeah. Which ones are. Mm hmm.
Samantha (05:07.53)
And that's all a personal choice. So I think that would be a great like exercise, like make a list of your non-negotiables for like you and your family of like what you want every day to get done or what you want for your family every day to be like a priority. And then the things further down on the list, you can be like, okay, well, I didn't get to that today, that's okay, I can do that tomorrow, or next week or whenever it is. But just taking that pressure off.
Jessica (05:22.481)
Yeah.
Jessica (05:29.806)
Right. Right, right. In the future.
Samantha (05:35.79)
Because I think society does put a ton of pressure on moms that you have to be the best and show up the best and have all these expectations. But like, you know, if you're a stay at home mom, or a work from home mom, it's like you have to do all the things a stay at home mom does, and you have to work, and you have to do this, and you have to do that. And then people are like, oh, well, you're a stay at home mom. You just lay on the couch all day. You don't do anything. You just play with your kids. Like you can, you should have time to make a home cooked meal every day. You should have time to like.
Jessica (05:39.946)
expectations. Yeah.
Jessica (05:53.188)
Right.
Jessica (05:57.463)
What's the problem here? Right.
Jessica (06:04.154)
You have laundry that's dirty? What the heck? Yeah.
Samantha (06:04.758)
fold your husband's laundry. Like, you know, it's like, excuse me, why don't you do my job that is literally like two jobs in one and then tell me that it's easy and I just sit on the couch all day.
Jessica (06:13.054)
Right.
Jessica (06:16.982)
Yeah, right. You're not watching soap rappers all afternoon and...
Samantha (06:20.598)
Right. And you know what? If I do that day, if I do watch soap operas all day, who cares? That's my prerogative. It never happens now that I have a child, but it's my prerogative.
Jessica (06:24.814)
Well, hey, yeah, right. Exactly. Well, maybe if he naps at the right time, you can do that again.
Samantha (06:34.262)
Well, that's the other thing too that's been nice. And I have noticed I need like, cause you know, I work from home, I have Bo home full time. I'm doing all the household things I'm working. And now that he's finally like on a napping schedule, like when he's napping, I try not to work. I try to actually like eat my lunch without standing up or eating scraps off of his plate and just like have like a second for myself to decompress, to relax for a minute.
Jessica (06:53.714)
take a moment for yourself. Right?
Samantha (07:04.234)
watch a show, I might eat my lunch, I might do something for me, like just like read something, I don't know. But it's like I'm just trying to be active in that like morning nap time to just kind of take a break for myself because that's the only time you get until they go to bed, you know? And it's like...
Jessica (07:05.788)
Yeah.
Jessica (07:12.355)
Right, well just something.
Jessica (07:18.766)
Yeah.
Jessica (07:23.542)
Right, until nighttime, yeah. When you're completely exhausted. Mm-hmm.
Samantha (07:25.486)
You have to find those moments throughout the day. Yeah, and just like take a minute for yourself and not feel guilty about it because that's what you need to show up after he gets up from nap as like the best version of me. So I've been doing that and it's been great for me and it's been great for Bo and I don't feel guilty about it.
Jessica (07:38.936)
Yeah.
Jessica (07:43.758)
Yeah, well, it even.
like grocery shopping and things. I mean, taking some of those off your list and doing like Instacart or ShipIt or something like that. I mean, they don't cost that much more to do that. And even if you do pay the extra five or $10, it's sometimes worth it just to, you know, be able to quickly put your order in, have somebody else shop it for you. You don't have to worry about that. Bring it to your door, you know, it's just...
Samantha (07:52.086)
Mm-hmm.
Samantha (07:57.921)
Yeah.
Samantha (08:04.535)
Mm-hmm.
Jessica (08:15.874)
It's an hour that you don't have to spend at the grocery store. Just something simple.
Samantha (08:15.969)
Yeah.
Samantha (08:19.786)
I feel like some days I am like, I do that, because I'm like, oh, I can't even think about leaving the house today. Like, I can't do it. Right, and then there are other days where I'm like, you know what, we need to get out of the house and you wanna go grocery shopping. And it's okay to do both, because I definitely do. I'm like, we need to get out of the house, Bo needs to get out of the house, I need to get out of the house. And then there's other days where I'm like, I do not wanna leave, I am probably not even getting out of my pajamas today, we are just.
Jessica (08:25.41)
Right, I don't have to get ready, I just, yeah.
You want to. Yes. Yeah.
Jessica (08:41.2)
Yeah.
Jessica (08:46.159)
Yeah.
Samantha (08:48.994)
hunkered down here and that's okay too. You just kind of got to, every day is different. You have to decide, you know, what you're capable of that day and what you're just not capable of that day. Yeah.
Jessica (08:59.462)
Well, it's just like your mood, yeah. It's all in your mood, it's all in how the day starts off. I mean, there are some days that just like should go. Ha. Mm-hmm.
Samantha (09:05.994)
And I feel like that's where it comes down to like your non-negotiable. It's like every day, like I wake up, I'm there for Bo. He is like first priority, all of that. And then there are days where I'm just like, you know what? That laundry can wait till tomorrow or you know what? I'll clean that tomorrow. It's OK. Like you have to be flexible and know that you're not going to necessarily get everything on your list done that day. And that's OK.
Jessica (09:14.16)
Yep.
Jessica (09:19.569)
Yeah.
Jessica (09:32.75)
Well, and you know, like with us, I'm having the older kids, you know, they have activities after school. So it's like, where are we running to tonight? Obviously those are priority. We can't just not do those. But does that mean, okay, I'm not going to cook tonight because I'd either have to prep it really early, get it, you know, and then cook it later or have something going in the crock pot or, you know, maybe we're going to eat out tonight. You know, we'll grab something on. We like to get Panera. It's not terribly bad.
Samantha (09:40.874)
Right.
Samantha (10:02.497)
Yeah.
Jessica (10:02.704)
know it's decent food it's just you know it's not McDonald's. I mean Taylor would live off of McDonald's but you know
Samantha (10:07.582)
Well, yeah, I feel like Brett and I go to Costco and whenever we go to Costco, we're like, we're just eating dinner there with Bo. We get pizza or a hot dog. I'm like, Costco dinner. It's like a dollar 50. Perfect.
Jessica (10:14.928)
Mm-hmm.
Jessica (10:18.734)
Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, no, that's I mean, that works. And it's just, you know, we just kind of.
make our choices based on what's happening. And you know, like, and then with the kids, it's like, we've been kind of pushing more chores on them lately. I mean, I've been swamped with work, so, and I've been exhausted. Like I just, I have this whole low iron, low folic acid thing going on, and I just can't get it under control. And it's just draining me. So I've got, you know, the kids helping,
Samantha (10:29.751)
Mm-hmm.
Samantha (10:48.287)
Mm-hmm.
Jessica (10:56.472)
are very capable and should be doing this but helping me with laundry you know Hayden already has the chore of doing the dishes every night she's kind of slacking right now so she's gotten a lot of reminders but you know
Samantha (10:59.149)
Right.
Samantha (11:08.641)
That's the thing, being able to delegate things to other people, especially when you do have older kids that are capable of helping out and doing chores. It's like, delegate, delegate away. I can't make Bo do anything right now, but eventually he will.
Jessica (11:12.645)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Jessica (11:20.27)
Yes. Well, no, not yet. Yeah, and you know, it's good for them and it's, you know, there's, it's like, that's one thing that I feel like growing up, we really didn't have chores like that.
Samantha (11:27.298)
Mm-hmm.
Samantha (11:36.626)
Not everyday chores, no, but I remember like-
Jessica (11:38.362)
We had to make our bed, keep our room picked up, which I failed miserably. But I don't ever remember, maybe once in a while we'd have to unload the dishwasher or something. But we never did, I never did laundry. Never had to do laundry. Let's do, uh-uh.
Samantha (11:41.612)
Yeah.
Samantha (11:50.558)
Mom never let us do the laundry. She taught us how to do laundry before we went to college. But we would have to put it away. Like she'd do the laundry and then we'd have to put our stuff away. But I remember like whenever she cleaned, like we would have to help her clean. Like somebody would either have to dust or vacuum clean the bathrooms. Like whenever, like it was like once a week she'd clean or on a weekend or whatever, and we would have to help do that.
Jessica (11:55.802)
Yeah, I was like, she never taught me how to do laundry. Right, yes.
Jessica (12:07.074)
Yes, dust.
Okay. Yes. Yeah. Okay.
Samantha (12:16.79)
Um, but otherwise I think it was like just being responsible for your stuff, like clean up your stuff, clean up your room, make your bed, like clean up your stuff, don't just like leave it around. So I think it was just like being responsible for your things and cleaning up after yourself and then helping out. Basically when you were asked, like if you were asked to like rinse off the dishes, put them in the dishwasher, you did it. Like if you were asked to go do this, you did it. It wasn't like, this is your daily chore.
Jessica (12:20.942)
Right, your own, your own space, yeah.
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Yeah.
Jessica (12:37.058)
Right. Yeah.
Samantha (12:43.766)
but if I ask you to do it, you better do it, you know?
Jessica (12:46.323)
Yeah, I think I turned it into a daily chore because I got sick of asking and getting grape. You know, like they'd always whine or whatever all the time. Like, you know what? No, this is your thing, permanent thing. This is what you're doing. That way there's no back sass about it because you know it's your chore and that's just how we're going to do this. And it works pretty well.
Samantha (12:53.46)
Yeah.
Samantha (13:06.093)
Mm-hmm.
Well, I think that's the thing. You kind of have to figure out what works for your family. Because what worked for us was just being told, or what worked for mom was like, I'm just going to tell you to do it. And then other people might need to have a set chore. We were so busy all the time. Sports, everything.
Jessica (13:13.466)
Yeah. Well. And you guys are busy. You know, you guys are so busy, you're always going somewhere.
you know, we're not nearly as busy, at least not like that. So this is something I mean, we did discover that I think Hayden, you know, she'll come upstairs and she's like, Oh, my gosh, I have so much homework. And we were believing her. And then it turns out she might have had homework, but she definitely wasn't really doing it because her grades reflected it this time, which they weren't they weren't bad grades. They just weren't her grades.
Samantha (13:40.29)
But she didn't.
Samantha (13:49.234)
Mmm.
Samantha (13:52.31)
But she's pretty straight-A.
Jessica (13:54.4)
Yeah, they weren't straight A's this time. So, yeah, we're gonna be a little bit more, I don't know, yeah, we're gonna pay a little more attention to that because daddy was doing more dishes for her at night, you know, he'd clean up after and I... So I don't think that was happening quite as much as we thought. But yeah, I mean, it's just like the...
Samantha (14:01.922)
Gotta wash her a little more. Mm-hmm.
Samantha (14:10.786)
so you can get to your homework that you weren't doing.
Samantha (14:19.766)
But it's just those teenagers testing those boundaries, man.
Jessica (14:22.33)
I know man constantly and you know what I never thought I'd be one to fall for it as much as I do but I do. I did I tested them I know you know she's not she's not testing the boundaries I tested she's testing the smaller boundaries.
Samantha (14:28.943)
I mean you definitely tested the boundaries, so you're pretty good with Hayden I think.
Samantha (14:38.849)
No.
Which is probably best. It's probably for the best. Ha ha ha. Oh.
Jessica (14:43.122)
It is best. It's much better than what I did. So yeah, I definitely, definitely preferred this. But yeah, I mean, having kids to delegate them to is much, much more helpful than not. But I mean, if they're, you know, like the pickups and stuff like that, you know, having help getting the kids from school if they don't ride the bus and things like that. I mean, gosh, mom's picking the kids up or grandma is picking the kids up today, which is really helpful.
Samantha (15:06.2)
Mm-hmm.
Samantha (15:10.894)
Mm-hmm.
Jessica (15:12.816)
have to stop everything because you know taking them and picking them up is like a whole hour round trip for me morning and afternoon which it's fine we do it every day but you know sometimes
Samantha (15:17.247)
Yeah, it takes a lot of time.
Samantha (15:24.342)
but it does eat up into that time. And if you do have the support system that's willing to help, it's like delegate to those people, hey, every Tuesday do you wanna pick them up from school and really help me out, especially if they wanna spend more time with the grandkids. It's like, oh yeah, and then if they're like, hey, I'll take them for a couple hours after school, they can get their schoolwork done, you can do whatever you need to do, make dinner. So I think just like.
Jessica (15:34.314)
Yeah.
Jessica (15:42.011)
Yeah.
Jessica (15:45.434)
Yeah.
Samantha (15:48.074)
leaning into that support if you have it. And if you don't have it, maybe you like seeking it out. Like there are like mom groups, there are neighbors, like exactly. Yeah, people that you can trust with your kids and are, right. Yeah, I think that, you know, yes, like we are definitely all like super moms in our own way.
Jessica (15:53.83)
Well, there's neighbors, friends, yeah. Yeah, kids that they go to school with that live nearby. Yeah. Yep.
Samantha (16:11.606)
but don't like hold yourself to like such a high standard that you feel like you're not doing enough or you're not a good mom or you have that mom guilt because you didn't get, you know, you didn't make the heart shaped sandwich in their lunch box today. You know, I didn't make the cute little sandwich Valentine that I saw on Instagram last night for my kid, you know? Like, yes, those are all great things. And if you get to them, just to make your kid feel a little special.
Jessica (16:25.737)
Right, right, yeah.
Jessica (16:31.755)
Yes.
Samantha (16:38.522)
Awesome, but if you don't make yourself feel bad about it, you're doing the best you can You're a great mom and just don't let those like unreal it unrealistic expectations like creep in and like diminish what you're doing every day because Seriously moms are rock stars dads could not do everything we do It's just that's not possible. So the amount of things that we have in our brain and try to articulate and
Jessica (16:39.282)
Great, yeah.
Jessica (16:58.515)
Hahaha!
Jessica (17:03.438)
Yeah, I think the brain thing is a huge, yeah.
Samantha (17:06.386)
I mean, my gosh, every night before I go to bed and granted, I'm pregnant, so it's 10 times worse. You're just like rethinking all these things and thinking about all these other things and what you have to do tomorrow. And like, you know what? Brett's over there sleeping soundly snoring and I'm like thinking about all the things I have to do the next day, when I'm going to do them and how I'm going to do them. And you know, it's exhausting.
Jessica (17:12.736)
Oh yeah, analyzing. Yeah.
Jessica (17:24.974)
It's like that book. Women are from Venus and men are from Mars, but they talk about how the brains are built and women have spaghetti brains, because the way they think, you know, they're all over the place, and men are waffles because they're compartmentalized. So they think about one thing at a time, you know, like they don't cross over their little buckets, and we're just everywhere. So it made perfect sense. I'm like, yep, that's how I think. You know, I...
Samantha (17:37.522)
Right, makes sense. Ha ha. Mm-hmm. Right.
Samantha (17:53.01)
I know. And you wonder why, like, you just kind of, like, snap sometimes and are just like, I just need a minute, you know, mom needs 20 minutes. I got to figure this out. Right. I was like, they need to be al dente. Okay. Like, let's just, let's just get this together. But again, like, I just kind of want to like, reiterate the message that you moms are rocking it. And I feel like that's something that you don't
Jessica (17:54.218)
It's just a...
Jessica (17:59.554)
Yeah, I gotta straighten these noodles out.
Right, right.
Jessica (18:11.098)
Gosh.
Samantha (18:19.586)
get told every day and sometimes like that's all you need is just be like, hey mom, you're doing a great job. Like you might've seen or thought about all the things you didn't get to today, but think about all the things that you did get to and like how great your kids are and what they're gonna remember. They're not gonna remember you didn't do the laundry, but they're gonna remember that you played outside with them, you know? So it's just kind of, right.
Jessica (18:33.604)
Yeah.
Jessica (18:42.222)
Right, yeah, you've got to flip your thinking. Think about all the things you did to you and not the things you didn't get to. Yeah, definitely. And being a super mom is not about doing it all. It's about the time you're spending. Yeah, showing up, for sure.
Samantha (18:48.606)
Absolutely.
Samantha (18:54.806)
It's about showing up. Yep.
