She's Got It Together
She's Got It Together
Forts, Feuds, and Family Ties
Hey guys! So in this episode, Jess and I are just chatting all about the craziness of sibling relationships. And let me tell you, as twins with an older sis, we've been through it all - the fights, the jealousy, the silly moments, you name it!
We're over here cracking up about the time we totally messed up Jessica's hair right before prom by accidentally mixing hair dye into her shampoo when we were little. Oops! And oh my gosh, the drama over borrowing each other's clothes and makeup as teenagers - I'm sure you can relate!
But seriously, having a sibling with a big age gap can be tough sometimes. Jess talks about feeling left out when we were born and got all the attention. But our parents were pretty awesome at making sure she had special "Jess time" too, which is so important.
Anyway, we're no parenting experts, but we've got some thoughts on how to handle the sibling craziness. Like, letting each kid be their own person but also encouraging them to be tight, you know? And when they're fighting, whew chile, don't even get me started! We dive into all that good stuff.
Oh and get this - apparently our fam wasn't big on hugging and saying "I love you" growing up. Which explains a lot, ha! But we're working on being more affectionate these days, in our own awkward way. It's a process, people!
So yeah, come laugh with us as we keep it real about the hot mess that is having siblings. Whether you've got 'em, are one, or are wrangling a bunch as a parent, we think you'll vibe with this one. Grab a drink (or like, a juice box if you're babysitting) and enjoy!
Hope you enjoyed this episode!
Remember we'll be back twice a month with more fun shananagins. Be sure to follow us so you don't miss a beat!
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Here's to Getting it Together one day at a time,
Jessica & Samantha
Like as a adult, like you logical.
Samantha Schmiege:Yeah, you hit your limit, though with that. I feel like and you're just like. You know, I really want to be like respectful and like answer your questions, but I have I've hit my limit, you know, because one question like goes to another question, because then she's thinking about that answer and then she's like, well, how does that work and why is this this way? And I feel like she's just so curious about things.
Samantha Schmiege:I don't really you're, I was playing like, like dog and horse with Sid, like we were like, just like doing dumb games. But again, like in the 90s, we didn't have. Well, I guess it would have been 2000, I guess when I was 10. But like you didn't have all the technology that you had.
Samantha Schmiege:you know, like we didn't have as much technology back then that we do now and I feel like that's totally different for kids because, like we were on iPads and like stuff like that, we were outside playing and like just doing like dumb little games that we made up that were fun, and playing house and all this stuff. I feel like kids don't do that anymore.
Jessica Evans:You know, that's one thing, that's actually a really good point.
Samantha Schmiege:Hi everyone, and welcome to a brand new episode of she's Got it Together. I'm your host, jessica.
Samantha Schmiege:And I'm Samantha. Each week we peel back the curtain on what it really looks like to have it together.
Samantha Schmiege:From the messy moments to the milestones, we're here to share it all.
Samantha Schmiege:So grab your favorite drink, get comfy and let's dive into today's topic. All right, we're here today to talk about navigating sibling relationships. Now, I'm a twin, Jesse here is my older sister and so we have quite a bit of experience with sibling rivalry arguments, and we're, even now that we are parents, going to hopefully provide some tips for parents on navigating those relationships. So, jess, what are some key components of having a strong sibling relationship?
Jessica Evans:Well, I think one of the biggest things is balance, and I think it's really hard to come by that, especially like with what we have. We've got this really big age gap between eight years. Yeah, almost nine. I mean it's really, really big. I mean as far as kids like now not so much, but with kids Right Well, I feel like when we were young yeah, I mean we're just in totally stages of life.
Samantha Schmiege:But it's also like not as hard now and I feel like it wasn't necessarily for us that hard, because it was fun, because you were almost kind of like another mom figure, because you would take us places. You know you had a job so you and you could drive and so you'd like buy it. So if you take us to the store like we got to go do fun things, yeah, but the other side of that too is like you were older and you were, you know, off doing things with your friends and you had DJ, so like you also weren't there all the time when we were a little bit older.
Samantha Schmiege:So it's like your sister's there, but she's not there all the time, but she can take you, do fun stuff, but like, so it is a different. It's a different dynamic, for sure. And, of course, like we're your little sisters, like we're going in your room and we're touching your stuff and you're like get out of here.
Jessica Evans:You know there is two of you, so it was like double trouble yeah.
Samantha Schmiege:Right, but don't touch my stereo.
Jessica Evans:When you guys were little. I think that was probably the most challenging part, because all the attention was on you, your babies, which, well, and we were twins.
Samantha Schmiege:So I mean, that was just even a whole other thing, that's a whole. It's one thing to have one baby, but then everyone's like, oh my God, twins. So then there's two of you, and that takes time away because there's two.
Jessica Evans:What was interesting to me was that it didn't bother me, because it was really fun, like I was old enough to be able to help, and you know, change your diapers and feed you, and you know you put, put you down for a nap, and things like that, which is really fun for me Um, luckily, because I love babies Right, and not every kid probably would feel that way.
Samantha Schmiege:but it's great that you did and you were interested in us, because some kids could be like the complete opposite, where they're just so jealous that they're getting all this attention. They want nothing to do with them.
Jessica Evans:Yeah, and it's it's nice for you. It was like that.
Jessica Evans:No, it wasn't. And then we also had grandma. Like grandma was great because she would take me on little getaways, you know, and that was one of the biggest things that I remember with her. Like those are, some of the best memories I have with her is just going off on these, like weekend getaways, we just get in the car and we drive for as long as I could handle and we would like head up, head up the lakeshore, just go north and find a little hotel. Or, you know, maybe we go to Mackinac Island. When I was bigger.
Jessica Evans:But yeah, like she would always make sure that there was time for me, not not just kind of getting forgotten right within everything that's going on with you. Even though it didn't bother me as much, as I think everybody was worried it would.
Samantha Schmiege:Right, they just wanted to make sure that you felt seen in everything, which is great, that grandma was able to kind of take you to have those trips. If, like, mom and dad couldn't get away, yeah Well, and it's that balance, that's the big thing.
Jessica Evans:It's that balance, which I think would be, is really really hard with the age gaps, because I'm I mean, I was in, you know, the end of elementary school. You guys were just born. It's, you know, I'm going into middle school or school. You'll head into preschool, you know, it's, it's oh gosh, you wouldn't even be doing preschool yet.
Samantha Schmiege:Well, and I feel like at that age too, like you're just like going through so many things like puberty and all this stuff.
Samantha Schmiege:Oh yeah, you like get into like middle school and it's like a whole different level and then you've got these little babies over here that are just like hey, pick me up, you know.
Jessica Evans:Yeah, yeah, I need attention. I'm right, exactly.
Samantha Schmiege:Like I'm hungry, I need a diaper change, and you're just like I just well. And then you're like just want a alone time. I'm sure. And then we're like running around, like getting in all your stuff, and they're just like, hey, play with me. You're like just leave me alone, like I need a minute, and we have no idea why you know, I remember that, when you guys were probably what?
Jessica Evans:five or six, that's when we really clashed Like that was the time.
Samantha Schmiege:Yeah, I do too. When I was like high school and yeah, I was like done, like the vanity had worn off of you, right, it's like okay, you're not cool anymore, you're just like, you're not fun, you're annoying, I can't take care of you.
Jessica Evans:Right, just like get out of my way.
Samantha Schmiege:Well, we're at that age where, like we want to be in everybody's business. And you're like yeah. And you're just like oh you're so cool, Like I want to. I want to do what you do. You're in like ninth grade, Like I you know, it's just like you're in everything. I remember we'd like sneak in your room and you'd get mad and it was just like yeah, why are you even in my room, like, and we'd like I know we liked your stereo, so we would like go in there and like want to play your cassette tapes and stuff.
Samantha Schmiege:Yeah, and you're like what are you doing in here?
Samantha Schmiege:Get out and we would like to play with your saxophone.
Samantha Schmiege:Oh my gosh or 10, play with your saxophone.
Samantha Schmiege:Oh, that's funny you probably were just like oh my God, you're so annoying. But then, like there were times, where you're just like you would take us to the movie and so you would take us out to eat, or you'd go to the store and like get us candy or like whatever, and it was just always so fun and yeah. So I mean, there's definitely those moments of where you're just like you want to like kill each other, but then, yeah, she's being so mean she won't let me do that I'm having that conversation.
Jessica Evans:they just want to be with you, they just love you so much and it's like you're so mean to them and I'm like I need to.
Samantha Schmiege:But I think that's another good point.
Samantha Schmiege:Like as the older sibling, I feel like a lot of pressure gets put on you to like Be a good example, to take care of your younger siblings, and like that can be a lot on a kid and like I don't think parents necessarily realize that Like they're putting that pressure on them. It's like unintentional, but it's like you know you're the older sibling, you're supposed to show them right from wrong.
Samantha Schmiege:You're supposed to look out for them you're supposed to, you know, take care of them, but also they're like. You're not supposed to be their mother either, but like Right don't cross that line.
Samantha Schmiege:You know, like there's, like you're not the mother like that can probably be hard to like navigate.
Jessica Evans:Once you get to a certain age.
Samantha Schmiege:Quite a few times I remember that Like you're not their mother, yeah, but I mean you're eight years older and you feel like, like that's the kind of role that you have at a certain point.
Jessica Evans:Yeah, yeah, once you get older, like that, yeah, especially once you know I graduated from high school, I mean, or when I was like 19, you know I was, that was that.
Samantha Schmiege:Well, you're like, I'm an adult and I had a full time job.
Jessica Evans:You know I was. I think I was out of the house, I think I was living. I mean, you know.
Samantha Schmiege:I was living with my dad upstairs.
Jessica Evans:yeah, I think I had the apartment upstairs or something, right? Yeah, it's just, it's very complicated anyways in life and then throw that in the mix and I mean gosh, at that point we were, you guys would come up on the weekends all the time.
Samantha Schmiege:Yeah, yeah, we had fun, it was fun. I think, we did, like you do our hair and oh gosh, did the wax like you remember hand?
Samantha Schmiege:thing? Oh yeah we did?
Samantha Schmiege:We did that. You pulled them through the shower cap. Yes, with my brown hair you know, it was just store bought bleach, and they were like orange tiger stripes through my hair. And my mom was mad because I had pictures like the next day and I have that picture and I literally look like I, like a lie, like a tiger. You did.
Jessica Evans:And if you put your hair back, though you had that one straight down the center, straight down the.
Samantha Schmiege:it was bad and I have a widow's peak, so it was just. It was just double way me on that.
Samantha Schmiege:It was not good, but that's the thing, is an older sibling.
Samantha Schmiege:You get to do those fun things and then all turn out great. But it is fun because we went and we got to go to like your house. And then you had Bailey the dog, and we could never have a dog because, like mom, was allergic and dad didn't like animals. And now I'm allergic to animals, so it's like we could never have the dog, so that you got a dog when you moved out, naturally and then that was first. Thing to go over and be able to have the dog and just do things it's fun.
Jessica Evans:Do you remember when you guys were younger and I still lived at home? I was a senior. Do you remember you guys always made potions in, oh, yeah, yeah, potions in the shampoo bottles or whatever, the little mini ones. And do you remember when I use the one and it changed my hair color to like that orange? I don't remember. You don't remember, because my hair was red for prom.
Samantha Schmiege:Oh my God, what did? It was some of the dye in there or something, I don't know what you use.
Jessica Evans:I think we figured out that you had put like that lightener, like you know, like that sun in, or there was like. Oh, my God Different color stuff underneath the sink that got mixed in it and I had like my whole ends were all care orange and they ended up with this like You're like, see, this is why I don't like you. I had to get a different prom dress.
Samantha Schmiege:I had a peach prom dress and then they didn't know that that's.
Jessica Evans:I ended up with a periwinkle one because it didn't match my hair Like it looked horrible.
Samantha Schmiege:I did not realize this. I don't remember. That's why I remember making potions, but I didn't remember it. I'm like messing up your hair, yeah.
Samantha Schmiege:It died.
Samantha Schmiege:So sorry about that. It meant you get a whole new dress.
Jessica Evans:I mean I did like, yes, periwinkle dress it was, I did too.
Samantha Schmiege:But yes. I actually thank you, I like that dress.
Jessica Evans:Yes, it's just, my hair color was not quite right.
Samantha Schmiege:But yes, you know, I remember looking back at your picture and I was like oh wow, your hair was like pretty, pretty red ish, like a ready brown, and that's why it was Well, you're welcome, it looks great. Yep, I actually miss I think we were looking out for you oh yeah, it was pretty bad. So, the things little sisters do. Well, you know what. That was very unintentional, it was a very innocent accident.
Jessica Evans:Very innocent, very innocent, my goodness. So I mean that's kind of like how we work things out. But, like looking at my kids, I mean there's a five year age gap, right, but it's still pretty significant and one of the things I notice with them. I mean, right now, you know, we've got 10 and 15. And actually Hayden pointed out to me that in our about us, I said that she was 14. Oh dear.
Samantha Schmiege:So but she didn't have a birthday in August, so she she's 15.
Jessica Evans:So I don't have any reason for my brain, well, well.
Samantha Schmiege:Well. But in my defense or your defense? I guess I thought I was 30, the last like three years, and I've been 33 and I kept telling people I was 30 and I don't know what it was, but I just like forgot the last three years that I had birthdays, because I'm like, oh, I'm 30. She skipped them, oh no you're 33, sam, so good luck with that.
Jessica Evans:Yeah, yeah. So Hayden is 15, going on 16, but those two are like oil and water most of the time and I don't know if it's the age or if it's the personalities.
Samantha Schmiege:I mean, they are very different towards yeah, yeah, definitely.
Jessica Evans:I'm leaning more towards personalities, because I mean, you've got one that's a very reserved, I feel like. So, I feel like Taylor is Sam, she's you.
Samantha Schmiege:Well she, I guess. So I mean, I don't know if I was like as in and everyone's business and and like just talking a lot, was I Well you? I just I feel like Taylor, is much smarter than me at that age.
Samantha Schmiege:I was very.
Samantha Schmiege:I feel like I was like sitting. I think we're very immature. You know, I feel like Taylor is a little bit more mature at her age, at 10, than I was, but I don't really know. Maybe, I feel like she just has a little bit more of like an intellect that like she asks the questions that Taylor asks yeah, she's just like very impressed by, but she like is like the question queen and once you get her going.
Samantha Schmiege:You know, it's like yeah, but it's like all out of a place of like curiosity but like as an adult like you, logical.
Samantha Schmiege:Yeah, you hit your limit though with that. I feel like, and you're just like. You know, I really want to very quickly be like respectful and like answer your questions, but I have I've hit my limit. You know, cuz one question like goes to another question, because then she's thinking about that answer and then she's like Well, how does that work and why is this this way? And I feel like she's just so curious about things.
Samantha Schmiege:I don't really you're.
Samantha Schmiege:Yeah, I was playing like, like a dog and horse with Sid, like we were like, just like doing dumb games but again, like in the 90s, we didn't have. Well, I guess it would have been the 2000, I guess when I was 10, but like you, didn't have all the technology that you had.
Samantha Schmiege:You know, like we didn't have as much technology back then that we do now and I feel like that's totally different for kids because, like we were on iPads and like stuff like that, we were outside playing and like just doing like dumb little games that we made up that were fun, and playing house and all this stuff. I feel like kids don't do that anymore.
Jessica Evans:You know, that's one thing. That's actually a really good point.
Samantha Schmiege:The pretend play is just very much lost now, and that's so big in, like building Relationships with your siblings or just other kids in general, like having that time to like work out problems within, like your playing it's huge and like, as me and my teacher hat going on here, that's like a huge thing, as like a as like a pre-k teacher is like the kids in your room, like you're teaching them how to like be social and work out problems and solve problems. Like this kid took my block and I need it back. Like okay, how do you, how are you gonna solve that problem? Like what are you gonna do? How can we solve this? Like you're trying to like give them prompting questions so that they can figure out how to solve a problem. Yeah, and you're just kind of there to like guide them through it. But when you're not with kids all the time, or you're not, you know.
Samantha Schmiege:Like, exactly like, electronics is not gonna it might talk back to you, but it's not gonna help you solve a problem like it's. There's not that back and forth and sometimes you don't solve the problem and you're both not happy and then what you know, it's like with an iPad and stuff, like they don't have to worry about that, they can just like I'm gonna close this out and restart my iPad and blah, blah, blah, like it's. It's so sad Because I feel like kids just don't know how to interact because they're on so much technology now from such a young age, and then that's a huge thing about being successful and having friends and Relationships is just being able to like, talk and solve problems. Huh.
Jessica Evans:Yeah, that is not something that I've ever really thought about.
Samantha Schmiege:Well, especially if you don't have a sibling, like kids are only that, are an only child. Like the only social interaction they're gonna have is with other. You know kids from like their family if they're around their age or like at school and, and you know, it just kind of depends on like how school is and like how social they are, if they're more outgoing or not and if they're gonna well, that was me for nine years or eight years, like I.
Jessica Evans:I was super shy, I didn't well, and you're like the only kid around for a long time I was the oldest in the family, right, yeah, I you know the eight years I mean.
Samantha Schmiege:So yeah, I guess it's huge interacting with kids like your own age too. And if you don't have family like cousins or other siblings your age Like, the only way you're gonna get that is at school. Or if you like your parents seek out like a play group or something when you can interact with kids your own age, because if it's so different, if they're older, they can solve the problem for you. You know, they just do it out of habit. They're not gonna necessarily like sit down and say, hey, how can we solve this problem? Yeah, it's like okay, fine, you can have the block, I don't want it anyway. You know like, or I'm just gonna take it and you can cry, I don't care, yeah you know, it's like they're gonna just nobody gets it.
Jessica Evans:Nobody gets it you know exactly.
Samantha Schmiege:So I feel like that's that's a good point. It's like you just Gotta have those relationships somewhere you know. You gotta learn how to, how to be a friend or a sibling or something you know.
Jessica Evans:Yeah, yeah, definitely so. Going back to solving sibling conflicts, like more Arguments or, I guess, disagreements and things like that, do you remember how mom did that with you and said not really.
Samantha Schmiege:I Feel like I Mean. I don't really. I mean, god, I'm 33. I don't know, my brain right now is not the most trusty, but I don't know. I think a lot of the time, the time I feel like it was like timeouts.
Samantha Schmiege:I feel like it was timeouts, like Sid and I would fight and like I, I, I feel like they'd like just like, stop fighting with your sister, or if it got bad, it was like, okay, timeout, go to your room, that kind of thing, and that's like kind of how it was back then. They didn't nest, and if they did this, I love going to my room. I know you did. You live there, loved my room. I was just like I have like serious FOMO, like I hated missing out on anything. I mean yes.
Samantha Schmiege:I just I would get upset if I had to like miss out on something. And I think with with like mom and dad, I'm sure they sat us down and like talked things out.
Jessica Evans:But I don't remember them like dad like to talk. He liked that.
Samantha Schmiege:Yeah, that was more of it Conversations, yeah which is good because it's good to like talk things through, but like dad wasn't there during the day, he was working, so unless it happened like at night, like maybe then he would do it. But I feel like a lot of the time it was just like, you know, like warnings of Stop arguing with your sister, right, you know, if you don't stop that, we're turning this car around or whatever. It wasn't like. Okay, how are you feeling? Why are you frustrated? How can I help you?
Samantha Schmiege:Like I feel like it wasn't like that back then now it's more about having the conversation like, yeah, that's just kind of a thing, that that wasn't a thing. It really wasn't, no, so I feel like it was more just like telling you to like stop fighting and then like Go and time out if you don't kind of deal like you got so many warnings. Yeah, and then Now I feel like it's completely different, and I mean, some people still parent that way and that's fine. You gotta do what works for you yeah, but I feel like more.
Samantha Schmiege:More often than not, people are just having more conversations and trying to like.
Samantha Schmiege:Have their kids express how they're feeling and why this happened.
Samantha Schmiege:Or you know, like, when they're ready to talk, like you can't literally try to talk to a kid that's kicking and screaming and asking them like how to solve a problem. That's not gonna happen. Their brain is not in a space to like solve a problem. You have to wait till they calm down. And I think for some parents they just get mad and they're like I don't have time for this, go and time out.
Samantha Schmiege:And you know what, if you need to break, fine, like if you mentally aren't ready to like Solve this conflict with your kids, like by all means, like go take a, take a break until you're ready to come back and revisit, cuz no one's gonna solve a problem if everyone's angry, that's like I think a big thing is like you have to be in the right headspace to like talk it out, even if it is 10, 15 minutes later, it's like okay, back when you threw that block and hit your brother with it, what were you? Why did you do that? Like, what were you feeling and like what happened? And then, if they were like well, he broke my tower and I got mad and you might not have saw that part, you just saw the kid throw the block and then you got the Back story.
Jessica Evans:But if they were screaming and crying and mad, you wouldn't have got that, you know so I feel like it, like they people feel like if we don't deal with it at that moment, the moments past Right and it's not gonna get resolved, and that is the complete opposite of what will happen.
Samantha Schmiege:Yeah, there's no teaching moment there, if you're just like stop it if everybody's your brother, yeah it's like it's not a learning experience, it's not a teaching experience.
Samantha Schmiege:You're not like showing your kid how to like talk through things and resolve problems so that next time when they get mad they might use their words instead of throwing the block, because you kind of taught them how you know, yeah, so I feel like that goes with siblings. You know you have to do that with siblings. Just as much as you would, as like it, I would, as a teacher.
Jessica Evans:You know, it's like it's the same thing. Yeah, but I mean we, I've done something sort of like that with the girls. I mean I've gotten to the point it was probably two, three years ago now, but those two arguing back and forth constantly, I Got to the point of like this is a lot.
Jessica Evans:Go sit on the stairs. I put them in one of daddy's t-shirts. They both went through, you know, both heads through the the coal and put them in there. They were completely fine and didn't hurt them, and until they could calm down and Stop screaming, yelling at each other, they sat there, and sometimes it took 10, 20 minutes. They sat there. They had to work it out like they couldn't get away each other, because that was the thing it's either they Was the whole point, yeah.
Jessica Evans:Yeah. And so what was interesting? It was like once they come down, they could they. I got to watch them communicate with each other, right and that's the thing they.
Samantha Schmiege:They have to be in the right headspace to be able to talk.
Jessica Evans:It is the thing that we found, or what I found was that if I let them go off and Do what they do, you know there we're never coming back to connect to like revisit the situation.
Samantha Schmiege:You would have to go get both of them to do it. They weren't doing it.
Jessica Evans:Well, and if we, if we do it, they're not opening up. Anyways, they're not talking so it was there. So doing it this way worked out well, but what I found was that Hayden the oldest Wouldn't come down in there like she went into like a full-blown panic attack freaking out. Taylor is the one that's trying to calm her down and say if you just stop, we can get out of here faster.
Samantha Schmiege:You know like yeah, I mean, that to me is like their personality.
Samantha Schmiege:Right there like.
Samantha Schmiege:Taylor is so much more like logical and it's like Thinking through, like the problem, and she's like you know yeah. We just come down, we can get out of here, and then Hayden is more emotional, I think, and it is just like she is, it's not in all the feels like I think Taylor's logical, hayden's more emotional, which are both great things, but it's interesting when they're like together how, how one?
Samantha Schmiege:Situation and that yeah especially like and that's the other thing you think like the oldest one should have it all together and they should be one comforting the younger sibling, but it's not always that way like, personalities are different and sometimes it's like the younger sibling.
Jessica Evans:That can kind of Just well, taylor's cracking jokes, trying to get Hayden to calm down, yeah, making her funnies, and just see that's what's so good about about that, is they?
Samantha Schmiege:they just kind of came together Eventually and saw the bigger picture. You know, I'm not mad at you.
Jessica Evans:I mean help, you know Very drastic thing. But I had seen it somewhere and I'm like you know what, we're just doing it yeah.
Samantha Schmiege:I've heard of that too. I can't remember what it was. Something it was.
Jessica Evans:I mean it was good. So that was what we have done and it, like I said, it's a. It's a version of what you said. You know it's, it's revisiting it. I mean, we just didn't leave the situation, we waited until they come down to revisit it right. And they revisited it because they're older and they needed to work through it and they did in their own time. It was well. I think that brings up a good way.
Samantha Schmiege:It's like how, like, as like parents, like what role do you play? And like this in helping like your sibling solve Conflicts like I? Let them just like figure it out. Do you assist?
Samantha Schmiege:and I think it does depend on the age, and like when, and I guess I kind of like the maturity level and like what all you like taught them from like?
Samantha Schmiege:what age have you like? Have you taught them how to solve conflicts and talk it out where you feel comfortable leaving them? And I think it all just depends like. You have to start somewhere and you do, as a parent, have to be there to help solve Conflicts, but that doesn't mean that you solve it for them.
Samantha Schmiege:You're like right there to like guide them through the conflict and coming to a solution that they're both happy with. It might not be this a solution that you thought or you think should be what happens, but you kind of have to let them, you know, figure out what makes them both happy or okay in that moment, and then just go with it. You try not to like completely like take over, like no, give that back to your brother, like he said you took that block, like give it back. But if you talk to him, one might have took the block from the other one and you didn't see it, you only saw part of it, and so I think that's why it's huge to kind of try to teach your kids how to talk things through, so that you know what's going on and they can like just like vocalize it and help solve a problem.
Jessica Evans:Yeah, cuz I mean we've done that, you know, give that back thing. And yeah. Sometimes, as a parent, you're just tired and you're like I can't give it back to your brother.
Samantha Schmiege:I can't.
Samantha Schmiege:I haven't had to deal with all this yet, both 14 months.
Samantha Schmiege:So I mean I have in the classroom, but not with my own kids.
Samantha Schmiege:Yeah, it's crazy.
Jessica Evans:It'll come like right now it's like makeup, so.
Jessica Evans:Giddy they both have their own makeup. Taylor loves makeup and of course, hayden is already wearing makeup, but it's just the back and forth. It's like I don't know who's is who's. I'm not gonna keep track on who's is who's. They can figure this out. Taylor knows she's not supposed to go and get any. I know she sneaks it. I know she does, yeah, but I also know that Hayden is a little bit dramatic on situations, you know, like when Things get borrowed, because Hayden's borrowing Taylor's too. So it goes both ways.
Samantha Schmiege:Yeah, so I think that's just like that's a sibling thing, that's like a girl sibling thing You're just like. Don't try to make it out, yeah.
Jessica Evans:I'm like you yell at her one second and then next you're taking something from her. So right, you guys need to figure it out.
Samantha Schmiege:What I think with Sid and I like being twins, like we were going through everything at the same time. There wasn't an age gap where because I feel like Taylor's kind of meeting Hayden a little bit more where she's at now, like being interested in like the skincare and the makeup. Clothes like because before it like a year or two ago it wasn't like that, so she wasn't necessarily interested in the same stuff Hayden was. Now they're getting to that age where they are getting interested in the same stuff and it can cause more conflict but also bring them closer because they have some more similarities.
Samantha Schmiege:But, like with Sid and I, we were going through everything at the same time, being twins, and so we were used to sharing things but at the same time like we were never having your own.
Samantha Schmiege:You know like right and like I Remember at our birthday parties, like we would get the same thing From like people and so they would have to give us the same gift at the same time. Because if one opened it before the other, then we saw what we were gonna get and we knew it. Because, like we knew, we were gonna get two of the same thing, like as twins. Like a lot of times you get the same thing Especially when you're younger different color and so.
Samantha Schmiege:I remember watching back like baby videos and Sid and I are like Trying to be the first one to like open it, because then you and you're looking at what the other one has as you're opening.
Samantha Schmiege:That's because you're like what did we get?
Samantha Schmiege:what did we get? What did I get? What did you like? Don't open it before me, because then I'm gonna see, because you're looking over there, like it was. It was so. It was like an anxiety-ridden thing.
Jessica Evans:Oh, that's so funny. I remember my, my different birthday. Yes, that's the one that's exactly it.
Samantha Schmiege:Yep, because we got the same polka hunnest outfit and the doll yeah, all the same stuff, but I do remember like mom and dad a few times got us like, cuz you're interested in the same things, but you're also interested in different things, and so they would they. I remember they got us like two different cakes, cuz we wanted two different.
Samantha Schmiege:I yeah like one of us got one. Like Sid was more into girly stuff. I was more of a tomboy, so like I didn't want all the like Prince Atty stuff all the time, so we got different cakes and they would do different plates. You know of the theme that you wanted, so they did let us be like Individuals yeah, I think that's a huge thing.
Samantha Schmiege:It's like as like parents or as a family, how can you like Celebrate that individuality but also like, try to like it's hard, it's not like you can come together as like siblings, you know right, you can't, yeah, and we're always gonna share a birthday and Sydney got married on our birthday.
Samantha Schmiege:So now we have her wedding anniversary, so it's like a twin, you get used to sharing things pretty easily, but at the same time, like internally, you're just like why can't I have my own day? Why can't I have my own stuff? So I feel like it's good and bad because you always yeah it's there yeah you're going through things at the same time, you can talk to each other. Luckily, sid and I were really close, because there are some twins that are like, not close, they don't like the you know being the same, like they just don't thrive in that environment.
Jessica Evans:And like.
Samantha Schmiege:I think with Sid and I we were very lucky because we got along really well, but also like we argued a lot too at certain ages, because you know you're just like Well, your vocal and loud Sid's an instigator.
Jessica Evans:Get you in trouble.
Samantha Schmiege:She's like a quiet and stealthy. She's quiet and like hopes to bear. Yeah, and then you got loud.
Jessica Evans:I'd be the one that blows up, yeah, yeah.
Samantha Schmiege:And then the one that gets loud is the one that gets like yelled at first because you know, you're the one causing the problem. You're being loud, yeah. But really it was this sneaky little one over here that, just you know, got me yeah, yeah.
Jessica Evans:That's so funny.
Samantha Schmiege:But I do have to say mom and dad did a good job of like, letting us be like who we are, let us be like I did soccer, sid figure skated, I mean I did that for a long time. I did cheer. I skated too, but I wasn't as in it as she was. I was for a little while, but it's nice that they just kind of let us yeah.
Samantha Schmiege:They let us do our own thing and be our own person. They didn't. They dressed us the same like when we were little, but then, like you know, when we got older, we got to dress our suits Ourselves how we wanted. But I mean, when you have twins is kind of like a thing and you almost like it's a right of passage, you have to have like the same outfit and Sid, sid and I liked it.
Jessica Evans:I don't know how you wouldn't be how you wouldn't do that, though, like it's not, like there's an outfit in the world.
Samantha Schmiege:Well, one wears opposite day.
Jessica Evans:Yeah, you'd have to like the same outfits and just change the days. Yeah, it would be, it'd be hard, but I think it was.
Samantha Schmiege:It was fun and I think as we got older, as siblings, like, we went to college together, we room together, like all those kind of scary moments that you have Like there's somebody with you all the time. I couldn't imagine going to college by myself and like a Sunday.
Samantha Schmiege:I want to go to college, like we almost went to different ones.
Samantha Schmiege:But yeah, it's like my God like it's. We almost went in different dorms too, and then we're like, because we're like I want my own experience. I want my own friends like, but then you're like better not like. I think it'd be good if we actually had somebody there that we know it's a big, it's a big change. So I do have to say being a twin is is, is great, it has its, it has its things, but yeah, and obviously work for eternal, so I can't speak for identical twins.
Samantha Schmiege:I'm sure that is harder because people get you people, people got Sid and I mixed up. They don't know what name goes with what kid?
Jessica Evans:Well, yeah, I mean you don't look alike, but I can understand the name thing. Actually, taylor still does that and I don't know how Taylor still does that. She used to say the one that's getting married she was doing that to you, that amp, that one, that one that's getting married. And it's like it's just intentional?
Samantha Schmiege:Are you just being a stinker right now? Or do you really know Then when?
Jessica Evans:you were, then when you got married or we're getting married, then that didn't work anymore, because then it was right.
Samantha Schmiege:Well, which one? Yeah, which one is getting married? Which? And it's like, it's not like, I don't see you OK.
Jessica Evans:Oh my gosh, she's so dramatic. But yeah, yep, I think that covers a good amount about siblings and all of the moving parts, the bad, the ugly. I think it's mostly good. I think it's just a challenge, lots of challenges.
Samantha Schmiege:Three of us to, like you know, eight year gap and everything. I think we had a really close relationship through like, through everything which is really nice because, like I don't think that, like you could say that for everybody that has such a big age gap, you know.
Jessica Evans:So no, and you know, we were not even in the same town anymore, so well, right, I mean gosh, we weren't in the same house.
Samantha Schmiege:You know, then we weren't in the same town and so like there's definitely been like growing moments of like where it was harder and where it was easier. But it's nice that you know we were able. We had a good foundation, a good, good sibling foundation.
Jessica Evans:Yes, Gosh, because you guys last for Grand Rapids when Taylor was born, right?
Samantha Schmiege:Yeah.
Jessica Evans:Because, we were they're all for Hayden.
Samantha Schmiege:Yeah, because we, because she was born in.
Jessica Evans:July Baby set yeah.
Samantha Schmiege:Yeah, because we, we, we moved to Grand Rapids in 2013 or 2013. 13. Yeah, but yeah, like October of 13, we moved to Grand Rapids so yeah, which was hard for us too, because I remember like we were so used to being around and being able to see Hayden all the time, and then like you had.
Samantha Schmiege:Taylor and like because we were over all the time. And then we're like wait, we can't just like go over to the house and see the babies anymore, you know, and like so I know that was like hard for us, because we're just like then we felt like every time we were home like we like we have to see everybody, you know.
Samantha Schmiege:and then yeah, how do we see everybody? And?
Jessica Evans:make the rounds.
Samantha Schmiege:I remember going like through that with college like a lot of times like you're just like, how do I see everyone when I'm home? Because, like you're usually home for something, you only have so much time, and then like if you don't see somebody it's just like blasphemy, you know, and you're just like I'm just trying to make it through life.
Samantha Schmiege:Okay, it's just so hard, but it's it's definitely. You know, I feel like as, as life goes on and you grow up, you can either grow apart or you just kind of come together and you, you just kind of figure out how to spend time together. And you know, we just chose to work together now.
Jessica Evans:So yeah, it works. I remember sending you the box of random things to your apartment. I think I wrapped. You moved and I think I wrapped. Oh yeah and with a little note of like what it was to remind you of or what it was for.
Samantha Schmiege:Yep, I know that was super cute. Well, that was the thing like Jesse's super creative and does a lot of like fun things, so that was that was fun. I remember that that was like us growing up. You did all these like little cool, cool, fun things for us.
Jessica Evans:Also gave me crazy things I didn't appreciate, but oh yeah, that's funny. Oh my God, I forgot about that.
Samantha Schmiege:Or you'd like, you know, put the pillow over my face and be like yeah try to breathe.
Jessica Evans:That's just a sister thing.
Samantha Schmiege:And on that note yeah, go hug your siblings, right, big hugs.
Jessica Evans:Hey, speaking of hugs, you know what before we go? Sure, we were not a hugging family, no, we weren't and I'm.
Samantha Schmiege:that's probably why I don't like being touched.
Jessica Evans:No, that was something I thought about.
Samantha Schmiege:Yeah, we were very like touchy, feely, like hug family with like the I love you's or the like.
Jessica Evans:I mean, it wasn't that we didn't, it was just that we, we didn't do it.
Samantha Schmiege:It wasn't an everyday thing. We started that after like.
Jessica Evans:I Rating group.
Samantha Schmiege:Thing well, I remember it happening after a family friend passed away and then they just were like, oh my god, like you know, we really need to be like saying I love you more and like you know, just be more intentional about it. And so I remember that for me was like a turning point where we just were more intentional about like saying I love you. Before you we laughed and giving like hugs and stuff like that, because it's not like we always do for grandkids children.
Samantha Schmiege:Right, right, it's like we did it was like a.
Samantha Schmiege:It wasn't like oh hey, I'm like running out to school like I love you, give me a hug by like we it wasn't like that. It was like okay, bye, you know. Yeah, I think I think we got more intentional with it and like now, gosh, we say like I love you.
Samantha Schmiege:every time, like we leave when we go visit mom and dad, they're they like yeah, I love you like there's always hugs and I love you's now, but like it wasn't like that up until like High school-ish age we're, and I mean I'm- sure we were little and we don't remember there was lots of I love you's and hugs. I do remember that, but it's like that in between age, you know, when like you're a teenager and like we don't want you to like, hug me and tell you, I, tell you me, I love you and I was just a weird thing because I'm a DJ's family always did it.
Jessica Evans:I remember getting in trouble with his grandma all the time because you didn't go, I didn't do it fast enough, like because they always hugged, I mean like when they came in, when they left, and I was very Uncomfortable, I guess, with it because we did well, that's the thing is like I'm I'm never gonna make bow, like go hug someone If he doesn't want to.
Samantha Schmiege:Like I'm not gonna be like go go hug them and give him a kiss right now. I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna make him do that because, like he doesn't have to if he doesn't want to and like you also Want him to like know that like you can say no to adults, like in certain situations, like with like physical intimacy and all that, like it's like he can say no if he doesn't want to hug, he doesn't have to give you one. And I feel like our age was like no, no, no, you go give your aunt a hug and say goodbye right now. And Like I mean you can do whatever you want, but like I'm not gonna go make him hug someone, you know, if he doesn't want to. But it's like I, I noticed with bone, of course he's a baby and like you, just like can't stop hugging, kissing babies, but like I feel like I'm more affectionate towards him, or at least I would like to be well, you know, because that's.
Jessica Evans:Yeah oh for sure, yeah, but yeah, it was just a random thing I thought about. That's something that we just didn't do when we were kids.
Samantha Schmiege:Yeah, I don't. I mean, I feel like I, you know, I feel like a lot of families are like that, a lot of families are very affectionate and like we'll cuddle on the couch and watch a Movie together, and I don't like to be touched either, and that's something that, no, I'm.
Jessica Evans:Right now with like hey, then, like Taylor you know Taylor's a hugger like she'll just come up randomly Like I need a hug, like, okay, I love you, but I just don't want to be touched right now. Hayden's been doing that too, and she's been getting mad at me because I'm like I just don't yeah, just not right now, just.
Samantha Schmiege:I always feel like it's like almost like a moment where you have to be like I am someone where I need a little bit more space.
Samantha Schmiege:So if I'm having one of those moments she's like please respect my boundary. But it's like I remember my one of my like figure skating friends was very like touchy-feely, like she always wanted to give hugs, like she was such like a kind, loving friend and she would just always want to give me a hug and hold my hand and stuff like that and sit really close to me. And I remember I had to talk to mom because I was like you know, so, and so it's just like On me all the time and she's like I love her to death, but I don't want her hugging me all the time and holding my hand and sitting so close to me because like I just like Don't want to be touched. And so then I remember like we had to talk to her mom and stop.
Samantha Schmiege:Like you know she loves her, but she's just like she's like a little bit too much on her and Sam's just a little uncomfortable. And so I remember like I wasn't this way uncomfortable, I just didn't want to be touched. You know, like I'm like, yeah, I'll give you a hug.
Samantha Schmiege:You're my friend, like I'll give you a hug, but like don't hang all over me, you know. And so I remember. I remember that I had to like talk to mom and then I guess she talked to her mom and it was fine. But I'm just like you know some and they were a very that family was a very loving, like I love you, express their emotions a lot Like gave lots of hugs and stuff like that, and we just weren't a family that did that.
Samantha Schmiege:So it was like the two opposite ends of the spectrum and and like they're they don't think anything's wrong and they're just trying to show you how much they love you as a friend and you're just like I'm uncomfortable, but that's just like. People are different, you know, and yeah, it's all, oh, it's all good, but you have to like find out like those boundaries and as, like a young kid who's like 10, you're not necessarily thinking about like boundaries and like right, you just like and like know how to express like I love you, but can you not touch me so much, you know.
Jessica Evans:But that is funny, though. I mean it is a very there's a very fine line there like yeah. And it can really rub people the wrong way, yeah, I can well.
Samantha Schmiege:and then gosh, you know me like I hate being bumped or anything, so it's just like yes. I'm just gonna hug me all the time I'm like, oh, I.
Jessica Evans:Don't think I'm quite as bad as you, but yes, I get, yeah, you get it a hundred percent. But yeah, and it's, it is something. It's just, I don't know, I like my one.
Samantha Schmiege:I'm like is this like a? Is this like a? You know, whatever you want to call it like a chain, like you know, mom was like that. I'm like that, you're like that. Yeah like that, but not as bad as me, and I'm like I just kind of want to like break the chain and like with bow, like I would, I want to be. I'm okay being affectionate with bow, like now Obviously he's a baby and like I want to hug my kids all the time, but like it's, it's like I kind of like I.
Samantha Schmiege:Don't know I just want to be more open, I guess, to that like with our family, like saying I love you more and giving hugs more and that just being like something that you do because you know it's. You know it's important to like be able to express your feelings and stuff like that, but also like have boundaries, it's if you need them.
Jessica Evans:It's just not something we're Completely accustomed to, I guess. Yeah, well, and that's the thing. Like you don't know, all families are different.
Samantha Schmiege:Yeah, and so that's one thing, like when you do have, you know, other friends and stuff like that, it's like you kind of have to feel people out, because I've had friends that are definitely more affectionate and I'm like express their feelings more and stuff like that. And then I was just kind of like Wow, we're getting real, real quick, you know. But I think it just it just depends on how you grow up or just like your personality, like some people probably have families that are so affectionate and open, but they just like we're not like that and didn't want to do it. So it's definitely an individual thing too.
Jessica Evans:But Anywho, yeah, all right last. I guess that was our last rabbit hole we really do, we really do. All right. Well, I bet does it for this episode this week. Hopefully you got some good information out of it. We didn't Take too many deviations off of our topic, but yeah, I think we we got our point across pretty well. So, yeah, hopefully you will join us next week and we will see you next week and we will see you then.
Samantha Schmiege:Thanks for joining us today, and she's got it together. It's been a real journey, sharing and laughing with you all.
Samantha Schmiege:We hope you're walking away with a smile on your face and a bit more confidence in your step.
Samantha Schmiege:Remember, you're not alone in this crazy ride called life. We're all in this together, one day at a time.
Samantha Schmiege:Don't forget to subscribe, leave us a review and, of course, share this podcast with all the incredible women in your life. Join us next week for more stories, more laughs and more real talk until then, keep embracing your unique journey and remember you've got it together more than you think.
